This script is very short which could be good for a story like this, however, I get the feeling that the writer was trying to avoid spoiling the end so hard, that it made the character development non-existent. Apparently, at 12, a baby gets born out of the death of an Angel. For the viewer, this leaves a lot of questions. There is zero explanation about any of it. Is this a private viewing? What does the movie have to do with it all? There is a fine line between show and tell. For me personally, it feels as if the writer wants to leave us with questions that will never be fulfilled. There is something to be said about this and what is there, is finely written. Dialogs are snappy and compact and don't add anything that is unuseful. Diane however, is a character that I don't get. Why would you stay in that theatre, after your man tells you that it doesn't matter what you want? You wouldn't. Basically, it's more likely the man would get a slap in the face for that. This is one of those occasions where a short script could have done with a bit more. All in all, I see the potential, but I miss some execution. I would consider filming this script, but would definitely add something more to make it work better.
The idea of the writer is very clear, and the dialog in this screenplay shows that this writer knows quite a lot about the game. As a Dutch person I don't. I believe the success of this script falls or stands based on your knowledge of the game. I was a little lost as to the humor part of the script, because I didn't really think it was funny. The dialogue has been well written, but I do feel it could be a bit more show and a little less tell. The logline of this script doesn't really speak to me, but I am struggling to find a better one for this script. Basically I think the problem is there have been a lot of movies or shorts about the NFL. As for the writing I say most is very well written. There are some scenes though that could be a bit shorter, like INT. LUXURY BOX - NIGHT - SAME that is more than 5 pages long. Seems long compared to most others.
How do you live with a mortally sick daughter.
What would you do with a second chance?