Have been writing since taking Screenwriting I & II at Concordia University in my Creative Writing Program. Have several completed features and short screenplays. Old fashioned horror appeals to me a la Hush Hush, Sweet Charlotte, The Exorcist, The Changeling, Silence of the Lambs ... and a sucker for a good Coming of Age story.
I can assume by the writing that you are new to the game and probably a teenager yourself. I’m wondering if you’ve seen the film “I Know What You Did Last Summer” as your story line is very similar. Upon opening the script I noticed an immediate typo which discouraged me from reading any further but I did plié through the script, it being the first one I am reading on this site. Pliot. (Pilot) Is this for a TV series or for a feature film (or short)? There are ideas in your script such as when the character is thinking and you write this as action. A golden rule in screenwriting is to write what you see. You can’t see their thoughts. You can suggest it by action rather than words. Like shrugging ones shoulders or frowning or ... but also be careful with too much direction of the character. I will commend you on finishing the script but is the script finished? We know nothing about the ‘stalker.’ You did do a fairly good job at developing characters but I would suggest going even further by giving them special quirks. Overall, your script needs work. You need to edit out those thoughts and study formatting. I was immediately turned off by the typo and the improper formatting and this script, as is, would not get very far with a reader let alone an agent or producer. Keep. Plugging essay though. The talent is there. You just need to reel it in and hone it. Good luck. And Write On!
A young man discovers a family secret greater than his own.
A teenage boy stops eating when he suspects his parents are trying to poison him.