Vianne Sophie May

Vianne Sophie M.

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Vianne SophieMay
Vianne Sophie May 4 years ago

completed a review for

Malled to Death (Draft) (ACT I) television
Genre: Comedy
Rating: 47%
Wow, what you did was so good, that I wouldn’t have watched it past the first three minutes. First of all, I’m a blunt critter, since I think authors deserve an honest opinion. Also, I didn’t get to pick your work or the pretty good title would have kept me from watching/reading it, since it indicate pretty much where we’re headed. I love comedy, but more like Mrs. Maisel, less American Pie. And when you add the macabre, as the title indicates, it's too much for me, hence the comment above. What I admire is, you held what you promised, a painfully macabre comedy, with tons of characters that hurt me personally to read, but mostly because they are so shrill. Since the last Series I binged was MR. Robot, I’ll use that as an example. I love the occasional shrill character, Irving, for example, because they add the “weird” that makes a series noticeable. But here all the characters are weird to the point of being painful. Maybe you need one or two normal people, maybe even main character, to contrast the weird. But that may be just me. For a pilot, you introduce a bunch of characters who probably will get their own storylines, and the camera conflict. I love that the conflict is as weird as the characters, and am almost curious how you want to top that. But maybe it makes me also fear the series finale, because to top that, it will either get verrrrrry weird, or full-gore. On the other hand, I imagine this as a very technicolor film, everything vintage and a little too of everything, style like Once Upon a Time in Hollywood and something that might please to Tarantino Fans. One thing struck me as weird, though: why do all characters have porn-names? But maybe this even adds to the mall’s weirdness and the overall atmosphere, who knows. All in all I think you pulled it off pretty well, the introducing all the main characters in episode one, and giving us a taste of how the series is gonna be. Well done.
Vianne SophieMay
Vianne Sophie May 4 years ago

just claimed a review for a script.

Malled to Death (Draft) (ACT I) television
Genre: Comedy
Entitled customers, deranged managers, and after hours hide-and-seek are just a few of the antics included in a typical day for a group of minimum wage employees at a dying mall.
Vianne SophieMay
Vianne Sophie May 4 years ago

completed a review for

8 Bits feature
Genre: Drama,Comedy
Rating: 33%
Please forgive my bluntness. The Title “8Bits” promises the perfect hacker-film in the vein of Mr. Robot. That explains, why I was a little underwhelmed by its slow start ;-) I was waiting for the hacking bit, which never came. Then I was wondering if you were going “Serendipity”, but the 7sins kept me worrying that you were going to ambush me with some gore in the vein of “Seven” (sorry, I’m too soft for that). To be honest, I had to rush through half of the script to make sure it wasn’t horror. Only when I got to sin number four or so, I realized I was in an episodic film, following a strange bill around during one day. Which I think is an awesome concept, by the way! You just need to find a title that promises gore-less entertainment, and a beginning for your film, that screams “episodic film” and “it’s about the bill”, so the reader gets the promise they can relax, a clearer feeling for the genre, and type of the film. Here are a few suggestions, which I think you can surely top with your own ideas in your next draft. Find a title that refers more directly to money, to have the viewer focus on the bill, not the first person they see. I was thinking this was Jennifer’s story, and was disappointed when the storyline veered to the other characters. Then create opening titles that scream episodic film. Look at “Valentines Day” or “She’s just not into you” for reference. Those films always start with showing several non plot-relevant, “random”, people and a voice-over explaining what the film’s philosophy/theme is. That way the viewer knows the film is about several people, not one person. I love how you repeat the concept of the sins, and where they come from in the beginning. That way even the dumbest person understands. What is unclear throughout the film is, you show the sinners and their sins, but I never got what you wanted to say with the way you showed them. Until the end, I was wondering, if that is some kind of religious thing, and they all get punished in the end. Either go comedy, and make the sinners weird and shrill in their sinning, or go philosophical, and give each of them a conscious problem with their brand of sin they want to overcome, and have them do so by the end scene in the café. Which I totally love, by the way. What I want to say is, the sins are not very spectacular, and the way you show them isn’t either. I need more sensation, more entertainment, or I’ll get tempted to check my phone during the film. But still, I love the idea, the concept, I love the beginning and how you tie the sins together, and I love the ending. Just the in-between, the sins themselves need more work, to keep the film from having a sagging middle. The last thing I noticed is, at a certain point you start showing us the time, as if it were important. Is there any way you could make this the concept too, have the entire movie play in the time-span of 24 hours? That would mean you would have to start with Jennifer waking up to late, her mom’s call keeping her from leaving the apartment, and explaining Dante by a flashback on the way to work. But I would add conflict, pressure, and would be, in my eyes an amazing add to the concept of “seven deadly sins in 24 hours”. All in all this could become an awesome movie. And I would love to read your next draft. PS: Can you show who worked so artistically on the note during the opening titiles?
Vianne SophieMay
Vianne Sophie May 4 years ago

just claimed a review for a script.

8 Bits feature
Genre: Drama,Comedy
What you seek might be in front of you the whole time!
Vianne SophieMay
Vianne Sophie May 4 years ago

completed a review for

Through The Back Door short
Genre: Comedy
Rating: 27%
Dude! You gave it all away with the title! I thought, "haha, well, if this isn't about gay porn." So the conclusion was severely anti-climatic. Sorry, but the concept isn't original. If its about a creative coming out, then you need to go crazier. If he has a go at his mate, well, this is too easy too. Reading the logline I expected a comedy. Maybe I'm a hard audience, but this was far too normal for me to pop a smile. Go crazy on the weird for the funny. And, slapstick is funny because people try to do something good but fail, mostly in increasing ways (think Adam Sandler). Also, I need a tiny save-the-cat-moment to be able to sympathize with the protagonist. Make me root for him to succeed, because it sooooo cuuuute how he admires and cherishes his roommate form afar, or in other words: set it up. Or was it a joke and we need to see him giggle? Or was this a move and we need to see him place condoms on his nightstand? If I don't know what the main characters's mindset is going into the scene, I don't know the stakes. The entire reading has no conflict to me, other than the friend being clearly bothered, but you haven't shown me, the viewer, why I should care about this. In other words, your act one needs a hook and this is harder in a short, than in a feature, because you only have a few minutes to do so. The script was hard to read, but not because of formatting, but because of the subject. I guess there is no good way to write a script about a person reading out loud a script. It's always kinda strange. The pacing of this piece is weird. There is no real warm-up to the story, and once they finish reading its two lines. To me it reads like 5% act one, 94% act two, and 1% act three. Also the conclusion wasn't clear enough for me: did he try to make a move, or was he just telling his roommate he's gay? Or was this supposed to be a joke? We need a setup, just to know the main character's intentions. About your original logline, I don't get it. The character in the read script seems okay with "lending a hand" the character reading the
Vianne SophieMay
Vianne Sophie May 4 years ago

just claimed a review for a script.

Through The Back Door short
Genre: Comedy
Sometimes giving your friend a hand can be one hand too many.
Vianne SophieMay
Vianne Sophie May 4 years ago

just claimed a review for a script.

SVF vs. The Hunter (Rough Draft) short
Genre: Action/Adventure,Animation,Horror
The hot tempered anti-hero goes into Worry Woods after hearing a strange noise, only to find he might've met his match.
Vianne SophieMay
Vianne Sophie May 4 years ago

completed a review for

Without Words short
Genre: Drama
Rating: 93%
I have never seen a short about a deaf boy tht included the necessary silence to tell his story. This is the thing I also like the most about your concept: the way you sparingly use sound. (It reminds me of the film "All i see is You" where this is done with the protagonist's sight.) The absence of sound is also the ting that drew me in right from the start and kept me wondering. You could even consider to go extreme and don't have any sond at all in the scenes from the boy's perspective. Then you could estblish the point ov view by the absence or the over-abundance of sound. As a first time critter of scripts the scenes looked to me well- structured and were easy to visualize. Then only thing I had to re-read was the very first beginnning: you describe in-depth side-characters who are irrelevant to the story. I had to retrace my steps after the in-dept descriptions of four people to find out which ones were the important one to remembemer. Consider just mentioning the side characters, but not describing them. I love you characters. There is not much you can show about them in such a short time, but in my opinion you did very well showing the father's stuggle, but keeping his real porblems a secret for a long time. The only thing that didin's suspend my disbeleif was that the deafness of the boy took five year to discover. Where I live (Germany) we have tow mandatory ear-screenings in the first year. And even if they don't have health-insurance, the father must have noticed the boy not reacting to sounds. They've known each others for five years. Or is it that he just couldn't afford the treatment? Love how you gave me the father's struggle to learn the sign language as a conflict for me to chew on, while his financial problems were going on in the backgroud, making for a nice twist. The climax was very satisfying. Love how we see it coming, but we're still feeling for the poor kid, who may not understand what's going on until it's too late. Also love how that answers my question if that is common in the US to pay lessons in advance. :-) All in all it was a fun read and something I would enjoy to watch one day.
Vianne SophieMay
Vianne Sophie May 4 years ago

just claimed a review for a script.

Without Words short
Genre: Drama
A father's struggle to finally communicate with his deaf son; to talk with his son for the first time.
Vianne SophieMay
Vianne Sophie May 4 years ago

just joined ScriptMother!