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The Hobo (Draft 2) by Michael White

#Comedy

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A drunk vagrant finds a lottery ticket and wins millions.

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iheartsorkin 6 years ago

just claimed a review for a script.

Beerbelly television

Genre: Drama

A pregnant madam exacts a bloody revenge to protect her child, creating a power vacuum that she must fill or risk everything that she has built

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iheartsorkin 6 years ago

completed a review for

The Hobo (Draft 2) television

Genre: Comedy

Rating: 7%

HI. I quite like the original idea but there is a lot of work to go into this. Firstly I didn't find it funny. I didn't laugh. I know humour and what is funny is subjective but the fact that he insults everyone and is foul mouthed becomes a little stale after the first 10 pages. There was nothing to make me want him to succeed. If he was charming in a drunk Hank from Californication kinda way that would work. Also, plot wise there isn't much beyond a flashback of his awful behaviour and then we're back in the present, where he is still an arsehole. Significantly, I didn't care that he had the money and I wasn't curious to see what he would do with it, I presume blow it all in an orgy of booze and hookers. Structure wise I'm not sure where the peaks and troughs are as the tone is fairly flat. Sorry if this is harsh. I do wish you well with all your writing.

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iheartsorkin 6 years ago

just joined ScriptMother!

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The Hobo (Draft 2) by Michael White

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iheartsorkin 6 years ago

Beerbelly television

iheartsorkin 6 years ago

The Hobo (Draft 2) television

iheartsorkin 6 years ago