Joseph GC

Joseph G.

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JosephGC
Joseph GC 2 years ago

completed a review for

Swerk television
Genre: Comedy
Rating: 73%
Although not traditional, I found the format you used worked well and easy to read. There are minor spelling issues: "inn" instead of "in" and the first line where she states "I've heard them all me, Jealous twats" I think you want to get rid of "me". I think you should make it more clear that Neil is the postman when you first list his name. Also I thought it was contradictory when you make it seem like she started doing this type of sex work due to the money she could make but then later on she states that the "vast majority of online sex workers barely earn minimum wage". But overall it was an enjoyable story. I like the protagonist, the pacing, and the cliff hanger ending. The dialogue works well but it reads like a Rom-Com, which I am not sure if that is the intention. One reason is that the language feels very PG considering the subject matter, if you want to make it a little more serious do not be afraid to have the protagonist use a curse word every now and then. Also, this concept has been done before so there is a danger in it feeling cliché, but I think you avoided that for the most part. It does feel short for an episode of a show, I feel like it could use an additional scene to develop the character of the protagonist or add some more dialogue to build up the relationship between her friends during the scene when they announce the engagement.
JosephGC
Joseph GC 2 years ago

just claimed a review for a script.

Swerk television
Genre: Comedy
A mid twenties online sex worker struggles with life's challenges, and her hilarious predicaments
JosephGC
Joseph GC 3 years ago

completed a review for

Dirty Laundry short
Genre: Drama,Romance
Rating: 40%
It is well written, but I found the concept to be a little cliché and the story to be unrealistic. Two young adults have not seen each other for years, they run into each other and talk for a couple minutes, reminisce on the past, Edith refuses to divulge any information about herself until she starts crying and abruptly admits to Mel she (I assume Edith uses she/her pronouns but that is not very clear to me) had a crush on her back, and then they kiss? As I was reading, I was expecting you to explore some change in identity for Edith, and Mel be a way for her to confront her past. You made a big deal about her name changing but then do not really do anything with it. What is the point of bringing up her name change and lack of communication with her parents? What does that have to do with Mel and Edith's relationship? The kiss just comes out of nowhere for me. Also, there is no title page. Besides that, I do really like your writing style! Lovely word choice and easy to read. I would enjoy reading a longer more fleshed out script with these two characters.
JosephGC
Joseph GC 3 years ago

just claimed a review for a script.

Dirty Laundry short
Genre: Drama,Romance
Two childhood friends reconnect for the first time in years, while doing laundry of all things.
JosephGC
Joseph GC 3 years ago

completed a review for

Lock Your Doors short
Genre: Action/Adventure,Horror,Thriller
Rating: 67%
I am an armature so take my feedback with a grain of salt. Overall, it was a fun read! The concept felt kind of ridiculous, but it worked in a funny dark way. The action lines were well phrased and the pacing was good. I was confused by what Jaden's plan was. So he just wanted his fraternity brothers to scare Adam into giving away his trophy, but then Jack accidentally shoots the two girls and it takes a crazy violent turn. why would Jaden then beat up his fraternity brothers to death? was that part of the plan? And why would he stab Amelia? How does that help him get the Trophy he is after? He comes across as just a violent individual, and his goal for obtaining this trophy comes secondary to that. I was also confused as to what exactly his relationship to Adam is. Are they friends? I know with a short, you do not really have time for character development, but I think you should find a creative way to at least give us a sense of what their relationship was like before the violence. my only issue with the writing is on page 6, the first sentence does not really make sense and the phrasing is redundant for: "Jaden is beating the living hell out of Jack with his out shotgun. Jaden repeatedly strikes Jack in the head with the butt of the shotgun until there's nothing but a bloody mess." I would just make that one sentence: "Jaden beats the living hell out of Jack with his shotgun until there's nothing but a bloody mess."
JosephGC
Joseph GC 3 years ago

just claimed a review for a script.

Lock Your Doors short
Genre: Action/Adventure,Horror,Thriller
A group of college students are rudely awakened by a trio of armed home invaders.
JosephGC
Joseph GC 3 years ago

just joined ScriptMother!