ScriptMother

john M

Stock Character
Favorite Genres:
horror
mystery
comedy

Born 7/11/80, Got an AA in screenwriting, hardwired to visual storytelling, 5'7, dyslexic, autistic, loves telling unconventional stories and creating engaging characters. Also hates mayonnaise with a passion.


Reviewer Rating:
Scripts: 3
Reviews: 6

Following

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Recent Activity

john M just claimed a review for a script.
2 weeks ago
Cheese Toddler short
Genre: Drama,Comedy
Logline: A young man struggles to make a positive impact when tragedy befalls his family during a time that would otherwise be joyous.
john M just claimed a review for a script.
2 weeks ago
The Photograph short
Genre: Mystery/Suspense,Horror,Thriller
Logline: One simple photograph can change a person's life, for better or worse.
john M completed a review for
2 weeks ago
The Hunter short
Genre: Horror,Action/Adventure
Review Rating:

You have a nice short but it feels a little bit like two stories stapled next to each other and don't quite feel conjoined. Its partially because the first scene goes on for 3 and a half pages. You need to trim that down 1 page. Fortunately all you really have to do is trim down some of the descriptions, I left some additional notes to help with that. So Michael doesn't really have an arc just yet in your short. He's depressed, then he's with friends and then he's fighting the Hunter. I'm not quite sure what his arc is supposed to be just yet, but if you have him start off a pacifist and then have him fight the hunter it might work better. So far your dialogue is a little too on the nose with the worry woods and hunter. I think you should just allude more to something being wrong with the place but not get into detail about what's wrong with it. Mentioning people vanishing, feeling like being watched, things like that work well because it leaves things up to the reader and audiences imagination. So if you trim down your descriptions some your 9 page script will probably end up a little over 6 pages and you'll have more room to play with the camping section of the story. An extra page and a half or so just of the forest section will add some more suspense and mood to what you already have. I don't think you're too far away from having a good solid draft though. Cleaning up the description, playing with the dialogue in a few areas.

john M just claimed a review for a script.
2 weeks ago
The Hunter short
Genre: Horror,Action/Adventure
Logline: Some legends are too scary not to be true.
john M just claimed a review for a script.
2 weeks ago
Mad Talent short
Genre: Comedy,Horror
Logline: A schizophrenic man loses his sanity after his singing audition for a talent show goes wrong.
john M just purchased a review. Claim it here
2 weeks ago
Dollars of the damned short
Genre: Animation,Horror,Mystery/Suspense
Logline: A plucky reporter pursues a wanted hitman for the reward but accidentally traps them both in a mansion when she unleashes otherworldly horrors.
john M just purchased a review. Claim it here
2 weeks ago
Dollars of the damned short
Genre: Animation,Horror,Mystery/Suspense
Logline: A plucky reporter pursues a wanted hitman for the reward but accidentally traps them both in a mansion when she unleashes otherworldly horrors.
john M just purchased a review. Claim it here
2 weeks ago
Dollars of the damned short
Genre: Animation,Horror,Mystery/Suspense
Logline: A plucky reporter pursues a wanted hitman for the reward but accidentally traps them both in a mansion when she unleashes otherworldly horrors.

Scripts

Dollars of the damned
Draft #3
Genre: Animation,Horror,Mystery/Suspense
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In 1936 rural Texas, a stubborn reporter pursues a mobster for the reward to save her family newspaper but becomes trapped in a mansion with him by the cult he works for.

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Reviews

Mystery/Suspense
Horror
Thriller
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Horror
Action/Adventure
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