ScriptMother

Timothy Blackburn

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A secondary school student, writing screenplays as a hobby, looking for feedback to improve his writing.


Reviewer Rating:
Scripts: 1
Reviews: 1

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Timothy Blackburn just purchased a review. Claim it here
3 months ago
Blink short
Genre: Thriller,Mystery/Suspense
Logline: When a fifteen year-old boy becomes trapped inside a dream he must accept a long suppressed truth to escape and wake up.
Timothy Blackburn uploaded a script.
3 months ago
Blink short
Genre: Thriller,Mystery/Suspense
Logline: When a fifteen year-old boy becomes trapped inside a dream he must accept a long suppressed truth to escape and wake up.
Timothy Blackburn completed a review for
3 months ago
SVF: Reborn (First 15) short
Genre: Action/Adventure,Horror,Thriller
Review Rating:

I am simply going to go through the script page by page with my honest thoughts. To begin with, I think the first scene was probably the worst-written of all of them, which is a shame as I thought the rest was actually written really well however someone considering your screenplay may have been put off straight away. I felt 'Lycan Cereberus could have done with more description, was he a dog or a werewolf, if so why has he got so much small talk? A reader with no knowledge of that area of mythology would have felt lost. Saying that, I felt the action and setting description both here and everywhere was really excellent and I felt I was there in the cinema seeing it. Storywise, I feel SVF could have used an introduction before the title card given it involves his name. I felt though there were moments of really nice dialogue, it felt clunky and unnatural in places. Structurally, on page 14, there is a flashback seemingly from Veronica's perpective, which though I feel as if you are trying to suggest through your language in the script she was in some way involved, remember the audience cannot see the suggestive language you used to describe the scene. With that in mind, I think that you need to either strengthen that suggestion visually or have someone more obviously connected lead into the flashback or completly disconnect that flashback from any dialogue at all. Overall, whilst I have focused on the negatives, I think the script reads really well in the action and descriptions and I could for the most part really see your vision.

Timothy Blackburn just claimed a review for a script.
3 months ago
SVF: Reborn (First 15) short
Genre: Action/Adventure,Horror,Thriller
Logline: Slaying demons and kicking ass are his specialty.
Timothy Blackburn just joined ScriptMother!
3 months ago

Scripts

Blink
Draft #1
Genre: Thriller,Mystery/Suspense
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When a fifteen year-old boy becomes trapped inside a dream he must accept a long suppressed truth to escape and wake up.

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