I really enjoyed this script. It is definitely something I would likely watch and would actually love to have a hand in helping you create it. If you need someone to play Anthony, I'm your guy! The story was great and original. Very well thought out especially how the audience was behind the "fourth wall". I got a serious "Black Mirror" vibe from it. The characters were well-written, memorable and funny. I liked Steve the most being an ill-mannered puppet who can't curse and gets annoyed at that fact. The great thing about the story that I liked the most was that it knew what it was and acted accordingly. For example, the laugh track happens at the appropriate moments even when the world is in an apocalyptic state and Chuck says, "C' mon that wasn't even a joke". Also when Max is saying his last words in-character, "Shots on me". It shows that the story and characters were thought out very cleverly. There are just a few things that I didn't like about it. When the zombie was carried over into the "Long Story Short" world, it was very reminiscent of Wreck-It-Ralph and pretty much predicted where the story was going to go from there. It's always that sense of predictability that brings a story down a bit. But for this project, it didn't hurt the story all that much. Another little nag is one I saw around page 7. I think it's best to keep writing that the laugh track keeps happening even during the conversation between Max and Duncan. One thing I didn't like about the story is when Jenny mentioned a "prophecy". I was a little surprised by that because I felt like this world that they were in didn't function around prophecies or fortunes of the like. This is the only I would change about the story. Prophecies in stories nowadays I feel are cliché and because I liked the originality of this story so much, I feel as if this would take the originality out of it. The last thing isn't a problem per se just something I would do. And that is, have the fourth wall actually being us, the viewers. So that when Anthony inspects the fourth wall, he is inspecting us but to him, we are just a wall. Just a thought that you might like to add during Anthony's struggle for answers at the start. Overall, this is an amazing script and hope to see it made in the future.
Firstly, it was pretty creepy reading it. Can't go wrong with a guy alone in a forest at night with abandoned buildings around him. The script felt like I was reading two different stories. One was about the old lady, Miss Gretchen, and the other being about the statue and didn't know if or why they were connected. If there was a connection then that needs to be brought to light. Also, the rules of the statue and what it actually was didn't make sense. Why was the face covered in red paint? If Wilfred took the statue's place, why wasn't his face painted red? If the title says, "The Devil Knocks At Night", why was there only one scene where there's a creepy knock on the door? Emphasis was needed to more on the knocking as one of the rules of the statue. You could make the knock itself more ominous and distinct so that nobody would want to actually answer it. Then it would beg the question; what would happen if someone actually answered it? They could die or take the statue's place then maybe. The story also was a little predictable. Try and implement a few jump-scares as he's venturing through the theme park. Even though he is recording the whole time, people have seen footage of sounds being heard and loud bangs but still don't believe it is real. This could also enforce his audience to ridicule him, even more, saying it's fake. Another way to make things unpredictable is to create better twists. Maybe a character isn't who he/she says they are or maybe the old lady didn't actually die. I think you should've focused more on one of the stories and have into interwoven with both the past and present. If I had to choose, I would pick Miss Gretchen's story. Wilfred saw the ghost of Miss Gretchen in her window as his Mum was carrying him out of the house signifying that her story wasn't over. When it didn't come back, I felt like that was a missed opportunity. I thought the twist was that Miss Gretchen's spirit had possessed the statue and as this statue, she would've caused these six victims' death. I felt like that would've been a better ending. You could even add some history behind it. Maybe there were three statues altogether, the other two being "Albert" and "Alice". Who were these people? Can't know for sure so give them some meaning and purpose. If questions aren't answered, take it out. Lastly, I think the dialogue could use some work. Try not to have lines that are too cheesy or again too predictable. If Wilfred is 26, he should talk like he's that age.
Interfaith relationships are forbidden in some religions. Knowing this, a man will fall in love with a girl which will cause him to battle the consequences of interfaith relationships in the modern day.
A young police detective has another personality who has taken the form of his murdered twin. But what happens when this other personality wants to find his murderer?