Caleb Ewing

Caleb E.

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Standing Up Draft #1

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A year after a public reckoning stemming from sexual assault allegations, a disgraced comic and one of his victims separately forge a return to stand-up comedy while dealing with the baggage they carry from the fallout.
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CalebEwing
Caleb Ewing 3 years ago

just purchased a review. Claim it here

Standing Up television
Genre: Drama
A year after a public reckoning stemming from sexual assault allegations, a disgraced comic and one of his victims separately forge a return to stand-up comedy while dealing with the baggage they carry from the fallout.
CalebEwing
Caleb Ewing 3 years ago

completed a review for

The Exterminators: Epispode 1 television
Genre: Comedy
Rating: 27%
Overall, I enjoyed the story of Doug navigating his marriage, his current place in life, and the "case of the week" in catching the skunks. I think Doug has a lot of heart behind his character and readers will really connect with them, if given the opportunity to. The major issues I noted in the script were three-fold: Structure, Motivation, and Stakes/why should I care. First, as you've detailed this is a comedy pilot, comedy pilots are split into acts, usually three, sometimes including a Teaser and a tag. Here's a nice article on Act Structure for a half-hour pilot: https://medium.com/sitcom-world/how-to-write-a-tv-pilot-pt-3-structure-314253c72b82 Thematically and plot-wise, you do follow a classic three-act structure pretty well: we have Fred finding the animal which works well as the teaser, our intro to Doug and Lindsay as well as the exterminators in the company work as a first act, Doug's intro to Fred works as a second act, the skunks work as act three and Lindsay's revelation works as a tag. You should denote these act breaks in the script. Also, when you break these acts, try to end on a cliffhanger to keep the reader interested to keep reading (for example, when Fred and Doug first get surprised by a skunk would be a good act break at the end of act 2, starting act 3 with them clamoring to catch it) Motivation - While it's clear what the major problems and wants are in the story, (i.e. Doug's marriage is falling apart, Fred needs help getting rid of the skunks, etc.), it feels more or less like things are just happening to the characters rather than them making decisions (with the exception being Doug taking Lindsay to dinner). While this can still work for an episode, there are more exciting and entertaining ways to lead the characters (and thus, the readers) through the story. What if, rather than Lindsay being extremely loud and obnoxiously upset at the beginning of the script, she's more subtle in her disappointment. Maybe she asks Doug to go with her to an open house for a house that she thinks is in their price range, but he looks at it and turns her down because of the price. Or she asks if him to do some cleaning or fix something in the trailer, and when he declines, saying "if I fix it, it'll just break again", she makes a comment like "well, I didn't want to end up in this trailer, but look where we are." An interaction like this does more to build tension because Lindsay isn't outright saying that she thinks Doug's a failure, but she's saying enough that it gets at Doug's insecurity and WE know that she thinks he's a failure, and now Doug is embarrassed about it too. The ending could be more effective if Doug knows what he has to do based on his convo with Fred (treat Lindsay better and start to pay off on his promises), but he doesn't know how to do that. Rather than take her out, he could just be sitting at the table, disappointed, when she comforts him, and tells him that she's pregnant, poking more at his insecurities, creating tension and conflict. Also, currently, all the women in the script follow a stereotype of being whiny and complaining. Having them whining and complaining isn't bad to have in there, but it shouldn't be their major character trait, which is the case for Aggie and Lindsay. In another vein, it's not exactly clear why Aggie wants to keep a skunk. It's a skunk. Skunks spray can be smelled from up to 3 miles away, so the second the first skunk sprayed Fred, it would be unbearable to continue doing anything. Also, a single shower does not help the smell. Maybe have Doug bathe in tomato juice. Lastly, stakes. Why should we care about Doug and Lindsay? Why should we care about Fred (who just wants to get away from his who "can bitch") and Aggie (who randomly wants to keep a skunk as a pet)? Why should we care about the exterminator company, whom we barely see at all? The audience needs a grounding reason. to care for each character. For example, rather than Doug not fulfilling his promises to Lindsay, maybe he's TRIED fulfilling his promises to her by making money as the owner of the exterminator business, but he's FAILED and the company is at risk of going under. Rather than her being MAD at Doug, she could be disappointed and show that she's losing TRUST that Doug can deliver on his promises, no matter how big or small they may be. This would in turn give us stakes for the exterminator business: they're at risk of going bankrupt. While the atmosphere between the employees can be cordial and fun, there's an underlying urgency of making every single buck they can stay alive. This way, rather than the stakes being "will Lindsay and Doug break up", or "how will Doug help raise a child", the stakes become, "how will Doug maintain his struggling business, to provide for his new child and PROVE to his wife that he's not a failure and worth sticking with". Without those stakes, readers and viewers may decide to change the channel.
CalebEwing
Caleb Ewing 3 years ago

just claimed a review for a script.

The Exterminators: Epispode 1 television
Genre: Comedy
Doug is an exterminator in his mid 30's who is struggling with promises he made to his wife and to himself
CalebEwing
Caleb Ewing 3 years ago

uploaded a script.

Standing Up television
Genre: Drama
A year after a public reckoning stemming from sexual assault allegations, a disgraced comic and one of his victims separately forge a return to stand-up comedy while dealing with the baggage they carry from the fallout.
CalebEwing
Caleb Ewing 3 years ago

just joined ScriptMother!