Nicholas Sharpe

Nicholas S.

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NicholasSharpe
Nicholas Sharpe 3 years ago

completed a review for

Lock Your Doors short
Genre: Action/Adventure,Horror,Thriller
Rating: 40%
I think some action lines are not necessary for a spec script draft such as 'Adam looks at her' / 'Amelia looks up at Adam, eyes squinted tightly.' It takes the flow out the dialogue. It'll work just fine without all the actor direction and redundant parenthetical. Another example of this is 'All of the intruders show their hands, all of them having a weapon of their one.' (*own* is a typo here) - I think that it can be more listed rather than go into more novel style description. ' The intruders show their hands holding weapons...' or ' Each intruder holding a weapon...' etc. However with that being said I do really believe that the choice of words in some character lines are well thought and creative. It certainly helps to understand what type of person this character is and refrains me from reading all lines with the same kind of voice in my head. For example the opening line ' Any of you make a move and I'll paint the f*g walls red!' or 'He's lying, man. He's lying, I can f*g hear it in his voice' - I really feel the suspense in Jack's voice here and get a feel for his character. The only issue I have with the diagnose is that there is no build up to the scene are creating and seems to be pulled out of no where. On minute they're asleep the next they have a plan for the 'Bros'. pg 9 the plan is mentioned again without any form of understanding what the plan I or ever was. I think that I can be improved in some respect with this, but overall good structor of script writing, decent concept short story and good for a first draft:).
NicholasSharpe
Nicholas Sharpe 3 years ago

just claimed a review for a script.

Lock Your Doors short
Genre: Action/Adventure,Horror,Thriller
A group of college students are rudely awakened by a trio of armed home invaders.
NicholasSharpe
Nicholas Sharpe 3 years ago

just joined ScriptMother!