Alternative (Rough Draft) feature
#Action/Adventure #Horror #Comedy
By
Cyle
Brooks
After getting fed up with evil winning in the end of horror movies, a man decides to take matters into his own hands.
Awards
Approved
Nominee Draft #1
Summary
9 Reviews |
70 pages |
4 years ago
|
Draft 1
Richard Stevens, a middle aged engineer and horror movie fanatic, has just finished watching yet another horror movie, with his best friend Josh, where the villain wins. Getting tired of horror movies with the same cliched ending, Richard creates a machine that allows him to enter the movies and give the villains the punishment they deserve.
Contains sustained sequences of strong bloody horror violence and gore throughout including disturbing grisly images, pervasive language, crude sexual content and nudity.
Contains sustained sequences of strong bloody horror violence and gore throughout including disturbing grisly images, pervasive language, crude sexual content and nudity.
Industry Reviews
The overall concept and action scenes are strong, which undoubtedly makes the script intriguing for a first draft. However, there is an overhaul needed, and it requires the full,complete understanding of the real story you are trying to tell.
Right now, your script is mostly a spectacle of violent, adrenaline-filled action. However, there is little to no connection between the action that takes place, and the underlying story you wish to tell....
Top Reviewer
Peer Reviews
Firstly, I LOVE the concept, a man travelling into horror movies to change the ending and the monsters escaping into the real world. Your character development is absolutely spot on and the story is great. But there is one thing that you have to work on, the Dialogue. Your characters swear like James Rolfe of the Angry Video Game Nerd was cloned 300 times. I would limit the swearing a lot. Your action lines are also near perfect.
I would also...
Top Reviewer
Don't get it twisted. Please keep an open mind.
Concept: Yes. It is very original to me. It is huge. It's interesting. It sparked my curiosity the moment I read the synopsis. It has big written all over it. However, somethings do not add up. I will get to that in a short while.
The first ten pages neither drew me in nor bored me. I just wanted to see what happened next. In the first page, Richard should be doing something to suggest to us that...
Top Reviewer
Alternative is an action-packed, imaginative action movie that is equal parts buddy comedy, action thriller, and horror movie. I love the premise, and I think with some tweaks this can be a great script. The description of the fight scenes was superb, the writer clearly has an understanding of writing action. Also, the dialogue was authentic; and I the more I read it I felt like I knew these two characters simply because of the uniqueness and cri...
Top Reviewer
It was quite difficult for me to write a detailed synopsis because there is a lot of storytelling elements missing from the draft. I'm under the impression that the writer is just putting the feelers out as if to ask if the idea can grow into something great. I can say that the idea is good but now it needs executing, because as of now there are no established story beats that hit the correct storytelling signposts. The approach to the story lack...
Top Reviewer
I was truly intrigued when I read the logline as this is an original concept. However, the originality is about all this screenplay has going for it. The story is incredibly stale and predictable. As soon Richard went into the first movie, everyone and their mother knew that the villains would be escaping. Screenplays can get away with a less than stellar story if they have relatable three-dimensional characters which is another component that “A...
Top Reviewer
The idea that someone could invent a machine that would allow someone to go into a movie and change the ending is too hard to believe. Then to bring scripted characters to life in the real world just doesn't make any sense. You may consider changing it from entering a movie to going back
in time and fixing horrific events in the past. Even time travel is more credible than entering and changing a movie. I thought your scene descriptions were don...
Top Reviewer
Thanks for giving me the opportunity to review your screenplay. It was an enjoyable read. Good Luck.
Top Reviewer
