The Hunter short
#Horror #Action/Adventure
By
Cyle
Brooks
Some legends are too scary not to be true.
Awards
Approved
Winner Draft #1
Summary
13 Reviews |
10 pages |
3 years ago
|
Draft 1
Michael and his friends decide to go on a camping trip to a place where people don't dare to go because of the mythical legend known as "The Hunter." But little do Michael and his friends know that some legends are too horrifying not to be true.
Rated R for horror violence/terror.
Rated R for horror violence/terror.
Industry Reviews
Overall, it's a clean-cut short horror film with something behind it. It just needs to be brought before the audience in a stronger, more dynamic way.
Top Reviewer
Peer Reviews
The first half felt like a cliche urban legend camping horror movie. The characters I think could've been written better, because then it would make it easier for the viewers to care about them when they die. But the second half made it way better. Just reading I can see how dangerous and scary the hunter is. Also as a gore lover, the brutal kills really helped. Some other things I liked, I like the dialogue between characters, reading it, I can...
Top Reviewer
I really enjoyed your story, it was a fun and breezy read. Here's a couple of notes.
Pg. 1
I liked your opening scene description, but from what I've been told by writers
much better than myself, you're supposed to keep the scene description more sparse.
I believe this is so the directors are not hampered in their creative vision
when adapting a story for the screen.
Pg. 2
How is the audience able to tell that the picture of Michael...
Top Reviewer
Story wise, I think you have a fantastic concept. It's nothing new but at the same time, it's one that never really grows stale. I think people will always enjoy watching teens die in horrific ways. However there are a few things that you need to work on.
Your dialog is very stiff and unnatural sounding. The conversations do not seem like ones real people would have. Try reading them aloud when you review it yourself and see what I mean. Very st...
Top Reviewer
I thought your script was fantastic and well executed, and 10 pages have been well executed. I like the part when Phil pranked May by pretending to be flesh and brain eating zombie, and it gave her a heart attack, then the Hunter came and killed them instantly, with a bow and arrow. It was horrifying to me but it was actually fun.
There might be some weaknesses in your script, with as one example, but I cannot detect them.
It may be short bu...
You have a nice short but it feels a little bit like two stories stapled next to each other and don't quite feel conjoined. Its partially because the first scene goes on for 3 and a half pages. You need to trim that down 1 page. Fortunately all you really have to do is trim down some of the descriptions, I left some additional notes to help with that.
So Michael doesn't really have an arc just yet in your short. He's depressed, then he's wit...
Top Reviewer
Well, starting out here I have to ask the question that will annoy you. Is this supposed to be a cliche slasher short. There is nothing really special about it to me. you describe things well and the kills are, kind of, interesting, but this feels like it just should've started out in the car with Michael looking at a picture of his father or some picture in a wallet. You took way to long in my opinion to get to the good stuff or you set it up ki...
Overall, the short was concise and quite good, as far as the actual writing is concerned. The part that's lacking is in the story but as a good writer, it should be easy to remedy that. Right now, the short is more like a scene out of a movie. The short doesn't really amount to anything as the characters are disposed of like spoiled food and Michael's father is repeatedly brought up but the story never really touches on its significance. Also, th...
Top Reviewer
The fact that it's only ten pages makes it over before it begins. If you want to keep it a short you still have thirty ish pages to add a lot more in character development in story.
I'm personally not a huge fan of slasher flicks because of the lack of character development of the antagonist, or something that feels forced or useless. But, I feel that you can develop something with them as well as the other characters to make it much better.
If...
Top Reviewer
You need to flesh this out and change it with a twist or an interesting idea. It feels flat and cheesy and typical horror. Nothing stuck out to me, and it just was plainly true.
Top Reviewer
This was great, and I had a fun time reading it. I am a little biased because I am such a fan of slashers with dumb teens, and this is so up my alley, but biased aside, I think you did a great job with creating an engaging story within ten pages, so I applaud you, and you should be proud of yourself.
Good luck with future drafts and stories!
Top Reviewer
Great characterization and an interesting story kept my attention to the end.
Top Reviewer
