SVF: Reborn feature
#Action/Adventure #Horror #Comedy
By
Cyle
Brooks
Slaying demons and kicking ass are his specialty.
Awards
Approved
Winner Draft #8
Nominee Draft #7
Nominee Draft #5
Winner Draft #4
Nominee Draft #3
Nominee Draft #2
Nominee Draft #1
Summary
2 Reviews |
119 pages |
1 year ago
|
Draft 11
SCRIPT 1/3 IN SVF TRILOGY.
After demon-slaying anti-hero Shadow Vile Figure (aka SVF) has taken down and defeated several strange and unusual monsters, Mayor Griffon tasks him to protect his niece, Veronica, as she has become the number one target of the world's most feared enemy: Satan himself.
Contains frenetic strong bloody horror violence and gore throughout, pervasive language and crude sexual content.
After demon-slaying anti-hero Shadow Vile Figure (aka SVF) has taken down and defeated several strange and unusual monsters, Mayor Griffon tasks him to protect his niece, Veronica, as she has become the number one target of the world's most feared enemy: Satan himself.
Contains frenetic strong bloody horror violence and gore throughout, pervasive language and crude sexual content.
Industry Reviews
Overall, your story is definitely well-rounded. I love the fact that SVF is able to connect himself to Johnny, and that Johnny and Veronica have a past. But, it's done in a very forced, cliche way. I would explore this story more, and make an effort to tell it in a subtle, but more profound way.
Top Reviewer
One thing I would suggest is finding a movie about a character who goes through something similar to SVF. A movie such as Robocop or Deadpool, where the character "dies" or undergoes a horrific event, and comes back to life not quite the same. Watch it and pay attention to the what the characters say and what they don't say. In other words, what are some of things they do and say that make them stand apart from your script? What are the things yo...
Top Reviewer
Overall, your script is a solid crowd pleaser for this specific horror sub-genre. Those who enjoy high-violence horror and over-the-top grindhouse action will certainly find a lot to appreciate in your script. However, the story, character and dialogue need to be firing on all cylinders as well, because it serves as the foundation of any script.
I would recommend looking over your script and asking yourself, "What is the real story beneath al...
Top Reviewer
Overall, your concept is great, and I see the story here. It just needs to be retold. This takes lots of brainstorming and introspective studying of not only who your characters are on the inside, but deep down, what you are trying to say with your script. What is the central idea? To me, the central idea needs to be something like this: No matter how much horror and violence a person commits, love and human contact will always have a shot at bri...
Top Reviewer
Peer Reviews
A good action story. The characters are likable and the villains are truly evil. The banter back and forth between SVP and the villains was well done. Adding some struggles to SVP's journey would help the audience relate to him better. Going through everything like buzz saw makes him seem invincible and lowers the suspense of the hero's journey. I hope the sequel dives more into the background of SVP, since he started gaining some of his mem...
Top Reviewer
Overall, this story is almost halfway there. Everything seems to fall apart, but at least the primary foundation somewhat holds the other elements together. I might be wrong, but there's always room for improvement. Just need to fix the philosophical conflict and you're already halfway there.
SCORE BREAKDOWN:
A. By the fundamental elements:
Concept: Poor
Story: Fair
Structure: Poor
Character development: Poor
Dialogue: Poor
Overal...
This is a dark and brutal story about demons and monster alike, their societies, and life styles, etc. It's shows a new side and gives more character to something so evil. But the "good" in the script feels a bit missing as the story can just get somewhat depressing at times when I read it, which most people aren't a fan of.
I would put just at least 1% more "good and bright" in the main character so they are not seen as a side villain for some...
Top Reviewer
As a woman, Veronica being 18 to me feels icky. Maybe if she was aged up to 20 or 21? I know that would hinder the virgin blood thing, but it would make more sense for her to have her own apartment, needing a well-paying job, etc. I think it's also important to establish how old SVF's body/Johnny is supposed to be. Right now their relationship is kinda creepy. Also, I think the Mayor needs to be developed more. His actions make no sense as a mayo...
Top Reviewer
Entertaining and action packed with a dose of dark absurd humor. This story would be perfect for a comic book series, graphic novel, or even animated film. The writer has a great way of describing action. I would recommend this story to anyone who likes a good, twisted tale of righteous ass-kicking. Oh, and bring a mop. You're gonna need it for all the blood.
Top Reviewer
I would mainly say this being similar to the last draft I read, was only improved upon for the better and still reigns as a strong story. I would look at the beginning of how it starts as the pacing still felt off with how we are introduced to this movie. It just felt a little weird. Also, for characters, what I said about Veronica and SVF should slowly develop, becoming intimate given the situation, they have with each other. I think it works bu...
Top Reviewer
For anyone looking for an action-packed, gory fiasco, I must admit this will be right up your alley. SVF was a fantastic protagonist in this story, and I loved him. He is such a fucking badass. Hopefully, I was able to help out, and feel free to shoot me any questions always happy to help :)
Top Reviewer
It is a wild story from beginning to end with a lot of violence and heavy on the profanities which is fitting for a bunch of messed up demons from Hell.
Top Reviewer
I'm not a fan of horror / slasher films. One of the down sides to this type of script is a predictability of what is going to happen next. You give a lot of detail on how each character fights and dies. The sad thing is that if your script was to be made into a movie most or all of that text will be replaced with "Add Fight Scene Here."
Is the Concept strong/original? No, Not so much.
Does the logline/first ten pages draw the reader? The f...
Overall this is a fun horror/action script. The script was almost perfect in the first fifteen pages as it retained a good pace with steady action and plot. But it didn't really get as good throughout, I'd recommend working on your characters, cutting Victor out, and fix up the pacing a bit. Good luck :)
Top Reviewer
My overall thoughts is it's a great screenplay that explores the supernatural: demons, zombies, three headed werewolves, etc. I do think you can improve on your character descriptions. For example the Iycan Cerberus; I had no idea what or who that was, so I had to look it up. With a simple character description of the beast, I would've known it was a three headed wolf. Also I do think that SVF shouldn't be skinny, but be built because he kills mo...
Top Reviewer
As stated before, this being a trilogy, I don't have the entire story. This is also my second review of this. Nothing really changed from what I could tell, however it was a while since I last read it and just didn't see it.
There is plenty of room for character growth, arcs, and storylines to be added and be completed. I think with the other two scripts, it would be fulfilled.
I am trying to give honest feedback with only part of the overall p...
Top Reviewer
The script was put together well. The pacing of the story between the dialogue and action scenes was written well. The dark elements seemed common but the overall direction of the story was different from what I have ever read. The action scenes is what made me invested and kept my eyes glued to the script, I wanted to know what was going to happen more and more as I read the story. I was shocked by how graphic some of the scenes were, I kept hav...
Top Reviewer
If I remember correctly, this is supposed to be part of a trilogy. That would allow for plenty of room for character development, relationship development between SVF and Veronica. As well as the three demons and Satan as antagonists.
An investment into an actual story between the numerous fight scenes would round the story well in giving what everyone has to lose and gain in the battles.
Top Reviewer
Your story reminded me of Wolverine (probably because of the main character's regeneration ability), Lobo from DC Comics (mercenary and bounty hunter). My first thought after reading half of the script was, "I would play a game like that."
You have a lot of animations and special effects in your story, so converting it into a game scenario should not be that complicated. In some respects, you could sneak in some stuff that won't work in a mov...
Top Reviewer
This supernatural horror film is extremely visual. As I read, I was able to visualize the characters and battles. Each battle had some unique killing methods which increased my interest. For example, when SVF battled Lycan Cerberus, the ripping off of one head and then the other head was very visual and unique.
Top Reviewer
It is unfair for me to review this script because gratuitous violence, gore, and constant profanity never appealed to me, so there is a bias here, I will try to be as objective as possible. The script begins at a tolerable level of violence, feeling campy at some points. Then it seems with every new scene, the writer tries to outdo the previous scene with gore and profanity.
Every character cusses the most vile phrases - even the women. I fee...
Top Reviewer
Ok, my comment would be filled more with suggestions rather that critics because there were just a few things that I consider I should point out as a mistake or bad decision. Starting with the characters and more specifically the dialogues- all in all good but the fact the many of the characters use so much "fuck/fucking" makes them way too similar to each other. One of the rules of screenwriting is that no character should speak like another cha...
Top Reviewer
So, I just read the first draft of a script called SVF: Reborn! The first thing I looked at was the number of pages of the screenplay. The screenplay is 90 pages long which put a smile on my face. A screenplay that is 90 pages tells me that this is a good sign. I say this because a screenplay from 90-110 pages will put a smiling face on the reader. But 120 pages is usually the maximum. A screenplay that is 90 pages is short and sweet! This tells...
Top Reviewer
Great concept. Satan gives SVF superpowers after almost killing him and then SVF turns those powers against Satan and his demons. This was an easy read and I thoroughly enjoyed it. The fight scene descriptions were excellent. I could easily visualize what the movie would look like. I think this is the best screenplay I've read on this site thus far. I would not change what you have, other than correcting a few typos. I do believe that a few addi...
Top Reviewer
I enjoy reading your script but I gave you a moderate rating. Don’t let it deter you as you can use this rating to improve and keep getting feedback unless you have something undeniable.
It’s a cool concept that SVF is hired by a mayor to kill monstrous creatures, which makes it quite unique and that is what Hollywood is looking for.
Action, action, action. I like the idea that the hero always fight with baddies. It’s like driving a Corvet...
Honestly, the logline sounds great! However, the structure of the script was just meh meaning pretty bad. However, the dialogue was very entertaining. The character development is overall ok. One thing that really got on my nerves was seeing the watermark of the software that the writer used which is Fade In.
Fade In is indeed a great screenwriting software that is used by screenwriters such as Rian Johnson who wrote "Knives Out", and "Stars...
First off this script was a breath of fresh air. I really enjoy the character of SVF and his journey.
Concept: Great concept I saw it as Supernatural meets Spawn, the concept itself is good and well executed. You really get a feel for the world around the characters and this helps to keep the concept grounded which can be hard to do with an idea like this.
Story: It's a first draft and I think I've seen other drafts of this up before? So so...
Top Reviewer
