Legend of Tyson Hill - Episode 1 (Rewrite) television
#Drama #Mystery/Suspense #Family
When Alex goes missing a mother will do all she can to find him.
Awards
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Summary
2 Reviews |
41 pages |
4 years ago
|
Draft 2
Alex thought he had always had it easy from his family life to his beautiful girlfriend but that all disappears when he goes missing in the middle of the night. From that night everything will change in the town of Tyson Hill as a huge mystery will unfold dragging in everyone from the town as it becomes clear that a larger force is at work.
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Here were my thoughts on your script:
1. Concept - I liked the idea of a mother going to all ends to try and find her son after he goes missing. Although it isn't an original concept, I liked the twist you added to it.
2. Story - I liked the story you were trying to tell, however, it was hard for me to follow along with unfortunately. The different subplots don't seem to flow or connect with each other as strongly as they should, which in t...
Top Reviewer
Notes
-The lack of slang made the dialogue feel very stiff. Everyone talks very properly the entire story, even when they're scared or upset. Adding a couple, "can'ts, don'ts, wont's, etc". Will really liven things up. I especially think you should give more slang to the younger characters, especially Jordon. I don't think that he would speak so properly. He doesn't sound like a kid.
-I enjoyed how your scene descriptions were almost like char...
Top Reviewer
