by Cyle Brooks
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To sum it up, this was a decent first draft of Just Another Throwaway. The main focus I would say should be tightening the story up and making the tone more consistent throughout, that way it'll flow better and the story will stand out more. Also work on the dialogue and comedy so it can come across more intriguing rather than comedic. Hopefully my feedback will help you with your future drafts. Good luck!
It is good to see the third installment of the SVF trilogy finally in the works. With action fight scenes as well as new characters, it looks to be promising and bring and end to the trilogy. As a proof of concept work as a first fifteen pages is a good way to figure out where you are going with a script or even go in that direction. Having SVF forced into retirement and the way it came about unusual. It felt out of character for him with no immediate threat toward him or Veronica. Speaking of characters, the character introductions have improved greatly. That said, having new characters added along with others still remaining, could leave the field crowded. But, that is just my opinion. The dialogue is somewhat exploitive, especially with the two new characters talking about Victor and his past. If this is a trilogy, it should not need to be mentioned. This is also assuming that the audience has read/saw the first two. The action scenes are planned out and bloody just like the first two. However, I did notice with the fighting with Zombiathan that there were a lot of repetitive attacks, namely the stabbing of SVF in the stomach with the sword at different times. This to me, might need to be addressed with other attacks. I look forward to reading the full feature script. Good luck on the future reviews on it as well.
All in all, this was a pretty good and funnier than expected fantasy comedy about a dominatrix saving Christmas. The main things I would focus on for future drafts would be giving Santa and Krampus a bit more depth as well as fixing a few dialogue lines that should be action lines instead. Good luck and I hope my feedback will be helpful for your future drafts!