by Cyle Brooks
You're in the perfect place! Script Mother is a script sharing platform that offers FREE peer review from thousands of your fellow screenwriters across the globe.How It Works Learn More
Rack up positive script reviews to win a spot in our coveted Script of the Month awards! You'll win FREE script feedback from one of our industry professionals and publicity via our website, social media, and newsletter to THOUSANDS of eyes!
Overall, a very entertaining and thrilling read. The setup is very heartwarming, and you give the audience a reason to see Jeanie's story through to the end. I would definitely rework the angle you're taking with the massive twist at the end. The context and reasoning behind Danny's betrayal needs to be worth the shocking reveal. The climax is well written and very action packed, but it needs something more behind it.
A strong concept, as a fan of the Buffy universe I enjoyed reading a continuation of the mythos of the slayers. I especially liked a new lead one who has ties to the previous stories as oppose to using existing characters as the main focus. It builds a big picture well but i think the small scale is lacking. Slow down the pace and develop Zoe and search for the Travalthon will help make it a more substantial story. I am looking forward to see where these characters go.