The first episode of STALEMATE introduces Jacob and Lily the two main characters of the story.
They are both teenagers who need to re-sit their GCSE’s. Jacob is a pouty young man who blames the school for his failure and isn’t above cheating on his exams. Lily is wheelchair bound and supposed to be a very good chess player. This is all we find out about them in the 35 pages of this script.
Character is best revealed through action but unfortunately, there isn’t much action to speak of in this. There is way too many acting prompts as they seem to be mistaken with action description. Every single little movement is indicated and it is totally unnecessary. Head scratches, looking up, down, back, or smiling, shrugging and yawning, etc. are not action. These should be up to the actor to decide how they are reacting to certain situations. These only need to be indicated if they add to the character or if they are contrary to what is being said in the dialog. These aren’t considered as action and they do not move the story forward either.
The dialogue in this script also needs a lot of work. It is mundane. Scenes are going on forever, characters are talking yet saying nothing of interest.
I was unable to identify the plot of the story. I understand that this is the pilot and there’s more to come in the following episodes but something still has to happen to keep the viewers interested. Copying someone else’s essay in class does not qualify as an interesting plot.
That said, having the main character with a physical disability is a fantastic idea for a TV series that we don’t see often. There is so much that could be done with this character. Showing life through her lens; the patronizing and the prejudice that she is faced in her day to day life. The strongest scenes were when Lily had to deal with the awkward situation whether it was in the bus stop with the little boy or on the bus when she lets the mother with the pram stay on. (This could’ve been further dramatized if it was raining as well.)
Also, Lily’s friendship with Jacob, a too cool for school character could make for a compelling story if it was better written. Characters need to be fleshed out a lot more. The viewers would want to know what happened to Lily, what is her story to give her more depth. The same goes for Jacob.
The other characters in the story like Sarah, the jovial mom of Jacob, and Grant, the overprotective father of Lily are much better written. I can understand where they come from.
Mina is another mystery. She is just glum and patronizing, it is hard to understand why Lily is friends with her in the first place.
Stalemate definitely has the potential to be a good TV show that’s interesting to teenagers but it needs a page one re-write.
