may rose

may r.

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mayrose
may rose 4 years ago

completed a review for

Mad Talent short
Genre: Comedy,Horror
Rating: 47%
This concept isn't original, point-blank. But it's a strong enough concept that allows breathing room for a fresh spin. This script succeeds in creating a fresh new main character, but lacks a general ark for character development. It's a short, yes, but no character development = bland story. The story starts off with a clear image that ties directly to who the main character is and how he lives, but fails to tie that back in. It feels like the main character leaves in a dirty place 'just because'. The 'noise complaint' and 'final notice' papers on the floor were great opportunities used and allows the reader, before any dialogue, to get a sense of how metal has taken over this man's life. Well done. But, basically, Jeff is a crazy metal music metal-loving guy, who blows his audition, and kills the judges--then dies. Humor succeeds only off the tails of real character development--bring back the dirtiness of his apartment--bring back his car etc. He feels like an unfinished character. Great premise for a character--is definitely intriguing--but should be fleshed out more. The end feels muddled as well and lacks a real clear image. But that's just do to formatting. The dialogue feels cliche, but it brings the humor, so that can be excused. Jeff going immediately to the stadium and then instantaneously transitioning to kill the judges feels rushed -- should be expanded out -- should include more back and forth dialogue between the characters. Overall it's really humorous and the pace is well enough balanced to where attention isn't lost. It feels like a complete story--just needs to be fleshed out. As a short, this is a really enjoyable read! Thank you! :)
mayrose
may rose 4 years ago

just claimed a review for a script.

Mad Talent short
Genre: Comedy,Horror
A schizophrenic man loses his sanity after his singing audition for a talent show goes wrong.
mayrose
may rose 4 years ago

just joined ScriptMother!