John Amedu

John A.

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SCREENPLAYS

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Man on the Phone
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John Amedu 5 years ago

just claimed a review for a script.

One Too Many cover image
One Too Many short
Genre: Drama,Horror,Thriller
A conman, convinced he can dupe any gullible widow, schedules one last fake séance, but soon discovers this widow has outplayed him at his own game.
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John Amedu 5 years ago

completed a review for

Man on the Phone cover image
Man on the Phone short
Genre: Thriller,Mystery/Suspense
Rating: 53%
This script wasn't separated by chapters or scenes I recommend using; scene 1, 2, 3 and etc. Many teenagers move on from youthful exuberance to pursue a career. But, Jonathan got hooked on alcohol which ruined his life and cause misery to victims of his drunken lifestyle. His parents, his landlord and Mr Williams. Mr Williams took laws into his hands and decided to go after the drunk driver that hit Sammie Williams. Jonathan lived in fear of the stranger before realising in the last scene that he was the father of Sammie Williams. Good story concept; It could be better with improvement to your plot and structure the character of the protagonist is excellently developed, we could see where he is, where he was and how his mates have progressed in life and the consequences his choices. "Ugggh...I can smell the booze from here. Look, I will drop you off at the station and then you are on your own. And you better stay the fuck away from me". NOTE: the statement above would most likely comes from somebody that has a form of relationship with Jonathan. A bus driver would not generally assume all drunks don't know where they are going. You can't just tell a passenger i will drop you off at the station and make your own way from there. Is there any exchange leading up to the statement not included in the scripts? "Seriously, you are like the least ambitious person I have ever met." That wouldn't come from his Daddy as his father didn't meet him any stage of his life. he has always known him. Try; "you are the least ambitious amongst your mates" "you are the least ambitious of my children". A drunk Jonathan with hangover pulls out a handful of clothes. Afterwards he is sitting in the office building in business(smart/official)clothes. Did drunk Jonathan with hangover able to prep himself in smart business clothes? --previous scene is not linked to office scene, hence sounds like a different Jonathan or on a different day. Try building other characters around Jonathan Try adding other scenes as it will be boring to see Jonathan on every scene from beginning to the end example; the bus driver could have had a bad experience with drunks earlier on the same night Mr Williams must have experienced serious grieve and bitterness before he decided to go after the hit and run driver himself.
JohnAmedu profile pic
John Amedu 5 years ago

just claimed a review for a script.

Dynamic Squad Action Team Go! cover image
Dynamic Squad Action Team Go! television
Genre: Comedy,Action/Adventure
When one of their old teammates dies, the remaining members of a former teenage superhero team reunite and discover that their friend might’ve died under mysterious circumstances.
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John Amedu 5 years ago

just claimed a review for a script.

Man on the Phone cover image
Man on the Phone short
Genre: Thriller,Mystery/Suspense
A careless young man finds his life falling apart after encountering a mysterious hooded stranger.
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John Amedu 5 years ago

just joined ScriptMother!