JoAnn Gartin

JoAnn G.

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The Nökken Draft #1

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: The Nökken is a supernatural horror story about a young woman who travels to Sweden with her two friends for vacation and must convince her friends that the demon of local legend is real and discover how to destroy it if they are to survive.
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JoAnnGartin
JoAnn Gartin 5 years ago

uploaded a script.

The Nökken feature
Genre: Horror
: The Nökken is a supernatural horror story about a young woman who travels to Sweden with her two friends for vacation and must convince her friends that the demon of local legend is real and discover how to destroy it if they are to survive.
JoAnnGartin
JoAnn Gartin 5 years ago

completed a review for

Bop short
Genre: Comedy
Rating: 53%
The material was well-written and the format looked good to me. I felt that the dialogue was solid. Much of it was catchy though some of it seemed a little too expositional. However with a short you have to get that information in there somehow and don’t have a lot of time to do it in. The story flowed well and was easy to follow. All the images were clear and concise. I could see the scenes unfold. There were a few typos: "This might work on a broken...", "waving pillows", "points at him", "and falls straight back", etc. The concept was the sticking point for me. It's supposed to be a comedy and while I can see how if filmed parts could be funny...I just didn’t get it. It's definitely not traditional comedy. I personally didn't connect with the material. It seemed bizarre to me that everyone acted like the bop clown was a real person. I'm guessing this is supposed to be a little like "ted"? While "ted" did really well at the box-office, I felt that was strange too. While it may have seemed a little too unconventional for my tastes, many do like that sort of comedy. I think your story would be better if you gave a voice to the bop clown as the movie “Ted” does to the bear. I feel the Bop Clown needs a personality to help move the story along and build a genuine relationship between the main character and itself. Also, it distracts from the story to have it not speak. At first I kept wondering if the old guy was just crazy - hearing voices in his head or something. I thought maybe he’s been hit in the head one too many times. It's awkward that he's responding to something we can't hear. I also felt that the character's emotions should be shown more through their actions than with their words. Again this is difficult since the Bop Clown doesn’t speak and Bruce has no one to truly react to since the Bop Clown is inanimate. Despite my feelings that it’s awkward, I keep trying to imagine where I’d see a short like this and if I’d think it was funny. I’m having trouble imagining it unless it played before a feature like the “Minions” clips do. In that context it may be different enough to grab my attention in that, “oh my god – that guy’s crazy talking to a toy” and I’d probably laugh at the ridiculousness of it.
JoAnnGartin
JoAnn Gartin 5 years ago

just claimed a review for a script.

Bop short
Genre: Comedy
A washed-up boxing trainer finds new hope in an unlikely protege: An inflatable bop clown.
JoAnnGartin
JoAnn Gartin 5 years ago

just joined ScriptMother!