dreadfully boring - a gun cocked with lots of weird eccentric beings - that dont do much
late aug19
title in italics --- no writer name --- poor start - i havent read anything
117pgs - also a glaring red blinking flash
pg count per pdf not script page
italics in dialog - means singing? - just say that parenthetically with character dialog
ive never seen that much italics in a screenplay - disconcerting
FADE IN:
EXT. WASHINGTON SQUARE PARK - DAY
RAY RANDI (30s) watches CHARLOTTE (6) go down the slide. Once
she reaches the bottom, she looks over and waves at him. He
gives a proud smile as he waves back.
WOMAN (V.O.)
You are my sunshine, my only
sunshine.
FADE IN is a slug line - left side
my thing: consider the singing coming in before FADE IN
i seem to always have sound proceed FADE IN - no rule just something i cant resist doing - sets mood before visual
end of page 2 - we had ray looking over charlotte and another voice singing - then ted and tabitha - 5 different people - and we dont know anyone's name
pg3
TABITHA
You're not so bad yourself, Ted.
pg5
TED
I know this is just your job, but
you're a lot more than what you
present to be. I'm happy we got to
share this night together, Tabitha.
its an s/p thing - we have to hear their names ASAP --- reading the script we know their names - until spoken an audience doesnt ---- maybe not necessary? you have to actively decide this
talky.... s/p is a visual medium
pg6 .... ok - cool - shit happens
pg8 - lock pick alive-ish? nice in this den they are concerned with property - like smash the window - which ray did on entrance
pg10 the lid to the elevator ---- there must be a real word -- emergency door? evac door? the square thing on the ceiling --- check silence/lambs - they mustve used that term
SKIN WALKER MOM --- did a search - grats - you keep it to 2 words - where i often have probs - minor - but still
pg13 - good use of char's we've met --- ted now has a tribe - so what theyre extensions of him
in general - spelling format all good - i consider them background essential - im in good hands here
pg14 --- what specifically am i seeing here - describe our client pls
Ray sits in the dingy office of his client, the hobgoblin
they call UGKNUS. He’s a slimy character both inside and out.
Dressed like a businessman, he smokes his cigar
pg15 Were --------- UGKNUS (CONT’D)
Where you there?
pg17 up front --- or delete it UGKNUS (CONT’D)
Karen will pay you upfront
https://grammarist.com/usage/upfront-up-front/
pg18 - we're in a difft world -- im thinking not ur first script - the formatting is spot-on -- 2nd 3rd -- creating an entire alt world is exhausting beyond belief
wow - he's still alive - i cant believe coincidence -- https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/James_Randi
pg26 - the real painting is at MOMA ... my mind wanders as zero has happened since pg19
4th floor - starry night is around corner - not good im thinking of this rather than enmeshed in script
pg 26 - slice of cake? ... chunk of cake
pg27 --- what sleeve? annie the feathered-cat has pockets for notes?
Ray bolts up, only to discover that it was just Annie,
knocking something off the table. He looks at the clock. It's
2:25. He's on the verge of tears as he looks back at Annie.
RAY
Let's see what you got for me.
He heads over to her, opens the sleeve, and pulls out a NOTE:
pg30 ... im bored - nothing dramatic has happened in 10+ pgs ---- various creatures - meetings - politics....
Genre: Sci-Fi/Fantasy,Mystery/Suspense,Action/Adventure
scifi/fant - yes
mystery/suspense - not even close
action/adv - minimal - one extended scene of a battle with skin walkers .... 3-4?pgs out of 30 i read
stopped at pg30 - no suspense/concern hint of what might happen next
possibly more meetings
ur setting up chars for later --- do that with stuff exploding - otherwise its just talking heads
3 act structure -- each act can be divided into its own 3 act structure - gives an arc sense of where we are - and are going
pgs 20-30 --- nothing - no action - more people/beings with variants of their needs - no clue where any of this is going
don henley quote "it's interesting when people die"
