The author has a talent for writing dialogue and the main character’s monologue, replete with theatrical setting is quite gripping. Page ten leads into a flash back type scene (which needs to be made a little clearer) and once again the dialogue and character interaction work very well. By page 16 things are beginning to get very weird and also very interesting and most certainly there’s enough of a hook to keep you reading. It should be noted that after the set up (the first ten pages), events are being recounted some years later (by an adult James Jones, remembering his childhood). How reliable our narrator is, is an interesting question. I suspect his own imagination colours events to a large degree.
I’m afraid though, as interesting as the script is, the formatting is all wrong. No fade in, no scene headings (until page 10), no centring of character, in fact everything is aligned left. There’s often no separation of dialogue and action. I’m afraid there are too many formatting mistakes to list, including the dreaded camera directions. For this reason, I’m afraid I cannot give it a recommend or a consider. However, if formatted correctly it would most certainly be a script worthy of being optioned.