Ike Rayford

Ike R.

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Identity crisis
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Ike Rayford 6 years ago

completed a review for

Identity crisis cover image
Identity crisis short
Genre: Drama
Rating: 27%
The script in my opinion should have italics for instructions and font or type sizes for dialogue. It was hard to follow in some instances because I was trying to read the instructions but thought I was in the dialogue. I believe the transitions could be better especially if you are going from a room to a hospital delivery room. Some grammatical errors that can be cleaned up and smooth out some of the dialogue can make a great story. In the hospital room you start out being redundant...if you say a woman is in labor, then we pretty much can assume its child birth. Father whispering to his wife should be dialogue which would give the story some depth in the beginning. Baby is wrapped. I love the idea of Victor/Victoria voicing the early part over but I think it you should play with it starting out as one or the other and then going back and forth. When he is a boy he should be Victor. When sitting in the house at age 7 Victoria talks about her parents loving her... where did that come from? Why? The Doctors dialogue can be cleaned up a little, a little better flow. The dialogue with Mother and Father is good, love it, truly felt it! When Victor is listening and recalling it...what are you showing? Mother was great like most mothers are...have you thought about switching the roles...because you know dads love their girls! Just a thought for you. Victoria in a suit...Victoria being a reporter on the street came out of no where again this is where maybe a transition can be helpful. When Victoria meets Samantha it got very interesting and the story took feet and begin to walk on its on. Getting to this point is the hard work. Check you grammar, make sure the tenses are the same eat/eats, ate. Try to also remove some of the extra words out whether they are instructions/directions or dialogue. I think I would like to see less V.O. but I am not sure about it, maybe lessen it a little. Trousers are plural The rest of the story is good with a few grammatical errors...so check that out.
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Ike Rayford 6 years ago

just claimed a review for a script.

Identity crisis cover image
Identity crisis short
Genre: Drama
After losing the only love of her life, a transgender loses all hope of finding love again and kills herself.
IkeRayford profile pic
Ike Rayford 6 years ago

just claimed a review for a script.

Lily cover image
Lily short
Genre: Drama
A young woman finds out that the biological father she's never known is terminally ill. One of his final requests is to see her before he passes.
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Ike Rayford 6 years ago

just joined ScriptMother!