I will start out by saying that I think you have a decent idea to start with but I don't think it's explored well enough in this short. Maybe consider writing a feature length? You can explore more of the characters, the whitches, everyone's motives, etc. Another thing that I feel like I have to say is your dialogue feels extremly unnatural. It is way too on the nose and everyone is saying exactly what they say. It also feels very repetitive. For example, you have the guys say multiple times "this is a bad trip" or "maybe we're dead or we're just having the same bad trip". I've never seen the words "bad trip" so many times in a manuscript before. Maybe find some synonyms and do a little research on subtext in dialogue. There are plenty of YouTube videos on it to help. Also when you introduce a character for the first time, their names have to be in caps. You can't just jump into them being a person without introducing them first. Like instead of "A young hip 20s something man, Barry", put BARRY (20s), young, hip, etc. And one last thing, you don't need to put "cut to" for every scene change. Only one's where it feels extremely necassary and it's more for dramatic/comedic purposes. But I hope this review finds you well and best of luck with your script.
