APPROVED!
With lots of cleaning up, especially with formatting and Character descriptions and powers, it can be a quite entertaining story. Even though stories can be interestingly entertaining, nothing shoots it down like bad formatting. Professional Readers will pick this up immediately. Too many good stories get round-filed because of spelling, grammar and formatting issues. I've noted the usage of ( ... )'s and ( -- )'s within the dialogue. Spelling overall was good. Grammar okay. Needs more in-depth Character descriptions. Their names, approximate ages, physical descriptions and their super powers if they have any. Make them more interesting. the dialogue read strong in some places then comedic in others. For this type of story, that's fine. Some of the major films like this one, has a nice mix as well. It makes the characters more well-rounded, more human like.
This script's first 15 pages, could have been reduced to 10-12 pages with corrections and condensing. A lot of the action sequences were too much and read choppy. A lot of actions sequence's descriptions can be separated with a ( , ) - hence condensing them. Remember the axiom of Screenwriting; 'Less is more!" I've noted suggestions.
These Characters are interestingly unique, but somewhat similar to past villains in major films. But as long as you can make them somewhat unique and not a direct copy-cat, then you're fine. Only one thing though, how do the others kill one another? There has to be a way to kill these characters eventually. I know I only had the first 15 pages, but already, Zombiathan was actually dead, when SVF pulled out the Emerald, then popped back up like it was nothing. So, I hope the bad-guys deaths are awesome! But our Protagonist, SVF, seems to take a licking' and keep on ticking' - Kinda like the Timex Watch or Samsonite luggage.
As far as the Action Sequences, they can be condensed and cleaned-up as I have noted. Any specific changes that I noted, can be taken or not. It's simply my opinion on how it can play differently. It's also how Readers of Screenwriting Contests and at Productions Companies will view it as well. There is still a guideline to follow when writing a screenplay. It's ultimately your story, just be openminded and take corrective criticism as they come. It's what makes us better Screenwriters. Feedback is vital to our successes.
As for me, your Reader, I've written a SuperHero style script recently, currently converting it to an actual comic book, I can definitely see this doing the same. Within the SuperHero or tentpole flicks out there, it's tough for independent concept to make it, but they have been recently. There is some good visions past Marvel and DC out there. So, keep up the passion!
