Hello, dear!
Thank you for sharing your script. I had a blast reading it!
I'll start with the weaknesses, but as always, know this is my opinion and you can take or leave it. You're the writer.
Something that really irritated me was how unclear it is that Siri (V.O.) knows the girl's name (Amanda) and not Deacon before he picks her up because Amanda doesn't seem to know him... I know by the whole reading experience that he is a full-time driver, but it would be much less confusing if this was stated in the first few pages somehow. Otherwise it might throw the reader off. Also, in the description of "He had intended to make her do it", I was taught to not write such intentions/thoughts, but instead show it with actions or reactions. How about a sneer, a scoff, or a frown? Lastly, the first time we see the Shepherd, Deacon's attention is grabbed, then when he stands up, he suddenly thinks it's bullshit. I thought this was quite a brusque and unexplained change! He goes from interested to disbelieving... Maybe show us why? Maybe he mumbles some words?
Now, on to the positive sides!
I think the characters are interestingly described, and the vocabulary is rich and diverse. The transitions are a very fun and integral part to the story and it was fun reading about them. The mystery with the Cotton Moon and the Shepherd is well kept, the imagery is incredibly beautiful in my mind, religion is well referenced, and the reality cuts are amazing and so impressive.
Honestly, I was enthralled while reading and had goosebumps all over my arms. I kept thinking: "Wow, how I'd love to watch this short film!" I am genuinely excited about "A Cotton Moon"--it's definitely my type of movie!
I wish you all the best with this project! Please, when it gets made, do contact me so I can watch it! Okay? Thank you!
Happy writing!
