MARC LAW

MARC L.

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MARCLAW
MARC LAW 5 years ago

completed a review for

What We Did That Summer feature
Genre: Drama
Rating: 60%
Keep in mind I'm no professional at coverage. But I was really impressed with this script. Best one I’ve read so far on here. This is a solid amateur script. It has the potential to do something great in screenwriting competitions (the Nicholl fellowship) in my opinion, but first it must address a few issues, that I’ll return to. Overall, there’s no doubt this writer will have a future in the biz, as long as he continues to build his craft. There’s just a wealth of character in this script. The dialogue is very natural and pleasant. You can really feel the moment the children live in. There’s a solid structure that felt effortless. It felt very natural and organic. It was a pleasure to read compared to scripts that feel like you’re weaving through tangled branches. I see what this script was attempting to do, which is tell a coming of age story about childhood friends who lost their father’s and are struggling with becoming young men. It does accomplish this. And from a character perspective, it does it quite well. A good thing about this script, IT HAS SO MUCH POTENTIAL to be produced by the writer and directed by the writer and entered into film festivals (which could blossom a career), BUT there’s an issue that needs to be addressed. The STAKES need to be higher. That’s my only complaint. I kept waiting for something BIG to happen. Like one of the children accidentally getting killed, kidnapped, or something. We need to intensify the story. I like how the children get lost, and how they’re resourceful, but SOMETHING needs to happen to them that just completely changes their world, and ours. Like discovering a dead body, or discovering a murder in progress, something should happen that makes the ending (the children making it out alive, and back home) more satisfying. There are some grammatical/punctuation errors I found on a few pages. Pg 66 and pg 71. Go back and read over those pages and fix the errors, they were in the dialogue. Also, have someone proofread this script a few times. When I proofread a script/edit, I go over the script about a hundred times over a week or two, and I still miss things. Don’t worry though, pros do it all the time as well. The formatting needs reworked and the writer needs to go back and really learn everything he can about formatting. You want to strive for basically what you have, simple, clean formatting, but you can’t have DISSOLVE TO: , every five pages, that’s meant for emphasis on scenes that require it and is typically used very infrequently. The only other issue I found was SLUGLINES that repeat themselves, so if we have EXT. FOREST CLEARING – DAY and then we have the same SLUGLINE right after it a few pages later, we don’t need it. We haven’t moved the action to a different location. Now if they’re in a different part of the woods or a large clearing, you could use EXT. FOREST CLEARING – DAY then, EXT. ANOTHER PART OF FOREST – CLEARING – DAY. Do you see where I’m getting at? If you want to send the script over to me I can help you with formatting for free. (marclawscreenwriter@gmail.com) Additionally, you need to take out the SUPERIMPOSIE TITLE: -- slugs out of the first page of the script. Readers hate scripty formatting, but they also hate it when it’s not used properly. SUPER or SUPERIMPOISE is used for overlays. And TITLE OR TILE CARD is used for the title which you never want to add into a script when you’re trying to break in. Overall, this script was the best script I’ve read on this site so far. Hope these notes help.
MARCLAW
MARC LAW 5 years ago

just purchased a review. Claim it here

19th Century Haunting feature
Genre: Horror
A woodsman struggles with accepting that his wife made a pact with the devil.
MARCLAW
MARC LAW 5 years ago

uploaded a script.

19th Century Haunting feature
Genre: Horror
A woodsman struggles with accepting that his wife made a pact with the devil.
MARCLAW
MARCLAW
MARC LAW 5 years ago

completed a review for

Inner City Blues feature
Genre: Drama
Rating: 27%
SOUTHSIDE is a gripping and powerful reflection of the continuous trials and hardships that most minorities (specifically, African-Americans) in a poverty-stricken, “projects, “ in America, both past and present, face on a daily basis. Highlighting police brutality and corruption as its central theme, while creating a realistic world that isn’t sugar-coated; Southside depicts a raw depiction of what thug-life, the life of many who live in the projects, are forced to face and tread through as they live out their lives. STRENGTHS: Thematically, the script is a wise chosen path to venture, considering the Nicholl fellowship loves scripts that explore relevant themes. I would recommend the writer to keep honing in his craft and complete several more drafts of this script before submitting to the Nicholl screenwriting competition. This is a reasonable and obtainable goal, considering how much potential, Southside, has as a good story that has the could be compelling, but needs a bit more development. Furthermore, the writer has a nice ability to write compelling dialogue, at times. I can tell that with more experience and time at writing, the writer will only get better, and will stand out as a serious contender to consider as an artist and voice in the industry. A lot of passion went into this script, and the writer shouldn’t feel discouraged. I recommend the writer not to seek out “paid-for-services” and instead find platforms that offer continuous free feedback, for now. WEAKNESSES: Plot-wise, we don’t get much of a differentiation from what we’ve seen before with similar films, such as, Menace to Society, Boyz in the Hood, both, world-renowned films rooted in a deep understanding of the culture and roots of that lifestyle, in which we have already seen the on-goings of, and most noteworthy, these worlds were delivered in a highly impactful and cinematic way by esteemed writers, and directors… I could see, Southside finding success on the independent front. This film could be produced very cheaply, and I would even suggest the writer consider producing this himself and directing it. Submitting to festivals in the future could lead to some interest if the script were to “get there,” as mentioned before. I applaud the writer for the theme choice, it’s great, and sheds light on a tough subject matter, that definitely should be spotlighted, however, from a film perspective, we need something fresh and new to the idea, or at least, the way it is presented, in my opinion.
MARCLAW
MARC LAW 5 years ago

just claimed a review for a script.

Inner City Blues feature
Genre: Drama
Trying his best to not get swallowed up by the streets of Southside Jamaica, Queens, Trey maneuvers through the standard baby momma drama, systemic racism and socio-economic disenfranchisement that his hood brings, but little does he know that this is the last day of his life.
MARCLAW
MARC LAW 5 years ago

just joined ScriptMother!