The concept of a teen girl doing a sacrifice for beloved one is good but this was not reflected in the script. I was able to understand the story only on seeing the synopsis. The scrip read like a young teen girl who is mentally unstable or due to some reason is trying to be sinister with her own body for pleasure and tries to hide it from her mother. Also the ending did not feel like an ending. It was very abrupt. The intent of the writer needs to be reflected in the script. A suggestion would be to include a voice over where the character tells about herself in a way to establish a connect with the audience and the ending of the story needs a rework as it is plain and abrupt without any takeaways. The first scene with the wire hanger is also a bit raw which could be edited a bit to adapt in the screen.
Simple and neatly written script which imaginable and could be able to run through the entire script as a movie in mind. The story was nicely phased starting from the setting up phase all the way to the end. The story was however guessable and lacked any newer elements for an alien sci fi movie. The protagonist's obsession with lizard and reptiles was conveyed only through the materialistic things rather than showing passion of the character towards reptiles which would have added much more spice and connection. Plot: Simple and clean plot with guessable twists Characters: Character development was really good as the writer perfectly got the reader to understand the characters with his words. Dialogues: Well suited with the scenes but not new or exciting Pros: 1. Proper script with a structure 2. Character set up 3. Pace Cons: 1. Stereotypical 2. Guessable twists 3. Protagonist obsession with lizards was not passionate
Story was written in a really gripping way. The scene was nice and crisp with perfect dialogues that are imaginable over a screen. The twist reveal was also good. But the intention of the story was not clear. What the writer wants the audience to take away at the end? What was the promise ELISE made with DARREN? Is it that she will be together with him always and yet she lived after he died 10 years back (or) is it Darren who killed her the same way he had the accident. Some other unanswered question in my mind: 1) Why were the twins separated? Does it have anything to do with the story? 2) CANDICE found about her 4 years ago. Then why didnt they meet in person for so long (4 years)? 3) The dialogue with the words entropy of time etc., what does it mean? Was not able to get the point clear with that dialogue Overall: A really well written gripping scene but with unclear intent and climax to the reader Hope this would help to improve your script much more than existing.