Honestly, the story was confusing from the start. There was no sense of introduction to the characters or the story, which made me ultimately not care about it. The characters weren't given any sort of characteristics on who they are or what they're goal is. And for a feature film, the first around twenty pages should be about who the characters are, what problems of theirs is introduced, and what their goal is now going to be. There's a lot of work to be done here such as formatting the screenplay, the story starting as exposition - turning into obstacles - and then closure, and dialogue. For dialogue, I would do some research on how Quentin Tarantino writes. There are some YouTube videos out there that really helped me get a sense of subtext (what a person says but really means). Subtext is very helpful as far as how characters communicate future conflicts. It'll get the audience excited for future incidents in the story. For formatting, it's mainly the actions of the screenplay that threw me off. A lot of one-liners, if that makes sense. There were also moments where the character says something because something has happened, but there was no action that caused that character to say something. For the story, it seemed rushed from the beginning, which made the beginning hard to follow along with for the rest of the screenplay. We have no sense of who the characters are or where the story was going. I do feel like this story has a lot of potential. With the right formatting and story structure, this story can become a real piece of screenwriting. I say, do the research that is necessary for screenwriting and even read professional scripts and see how professional screenwriters write their screenplays. It is something I have done and it works. Like I said before, Quentin Tarantino is the master of screenwriting as he's proven many times. Look at any one of his scripts and you'll see what I'm talking about. You can even look at screenplays of your favorite movies and see how they wrote their stories. There are websites that have PDF files of screenplays out there. I hope this review helped and keep on writing. There's a lot of stories that need to get out into the world and we need as many storytellers as possible. Good luck! Thank you.
A now high school graduate wants to make something of himself in the world and it's going to take more than his small group of friends to get the support he needs.