Never write a script like a novel. When I write my books I write them with details, but in a script no. You lose the reader and audience. Nobody wants a long drawn script. If Jack is coming in the house, just say that. No need to put that Jack went passed a sofa or almost fell. Get to the details .
The chase scene across the savannah was a great hook. Who is the boy running from? Why are they chasing him? The fact that the pursuers are in a hovercraft told me this is a Syfy future story. The switch to AKUJI, WIFE, SON, and DAUGHTER was a nice transition until on page 2 Ayo, the boy was inserted into the story suddenly. I wondered why it was flowing smoothly until that moment. Is this the boy from the beginning of the story or the son of Aku...
A circle of man made stone obelisks emerge from the ground. They are 100ft high and total 5 miles wide, at the centre lies 4 pillars, covered in writing in 8 languages.
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