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Hobohemia

feature
By Vaughn English
Action/Adventure,Comedy

Outlander discovers a secret society of magical hobos

Approved
Winner
Draft #3
Peer Rating: 56%
Industry Rating: 60%
Draft 3: 56%
Draft 2: 7%
Draft 1: 34%
3 Reviews | 99 pages | 1 year ago | Draft 3

Summary

Outlander arrives in Kansas City and discovers a secret society of magical hobos. Outlander explores the world of Hobohemia and learns to harness the power of change.

Industry Reviews

The strongest element of your script is the world you create within your story. The characters of Hobohemia are very diverse and eccentric, and there's a universe of terminology and dialect that you inject within it. That being said, the story seems to lack a focus until you introduce (or reveal) the villain around page 53 when the cyborgs appear. A lot of your scenes feel like sporadic moments that suddenly occur, rather than sequences that buil...

10 months ago | read more...
Script Mother Top Reviewer

Peer Reviews

Trippy.

Irreverent.

The magic is fun.

Nice fake out with throwing the soda cup against the wall and at first it doesn’t work, then does.

Good intro for Outlander.

Lots of creativity: DR ARIZONA Q reveals herself and MOLLY MACAW by removing a large winter coat with camouflage print.

The comedy is a little slow to start, got better as it went along. “Not all of us can be born with a plastic spoon in our mouth.” The absurdist di...

1 year ago | read more...
CourierNew Top Reviewer
An interesting concept in which the homeless population use magic to support their lives. While the plot is a fairly formulaic three act story, the ideas behind it keep a reader (and potentially a viewer) entertained. The pacing is well done and brisk. At times, there is a need for greater world-building or character building which would also slow down the pace for a moment or two. However, this would be recommended.

While the absurdist an...

11 months ago | read more...
Chris Lutzow Top Reviewer
When first looking at the premise, it looked a little weird, but somewhat interesting. After reading the screenplay, it's hard to imagine what was written in it.

The worst thing about the screenplay is the offensive and hurtful stereotypes against homeless people. Here, it portrayed them as good-for-nothings and bad people towards the middle class. This can come off as very shocking and furthers notions against homeless people. Also, in this s...

2 years ago | read more...
Advait Dantuluri Top Reviewer
Honestly, the story was confusing from the start. There was no sense of introduction to the characters or the story, which made me ultimately not care about it. The characters weren't given any sort of characteristics on who they are or what they're goal is. And for a feature film, the first around twenty pages should be about who the characters are, what problems of theirs is introduced, and what their goal is now going to be. There's a lot of w...

2 years ago | read more...
I'm torn. This is both a wonderful script as well as a terrible movie that I would hate myself for watching. I suppose I can only blame myself for not fully understanding the writers intention when his lead character was OUTLANDER. But non the less I totally loved the first third of the script. After that as an audience member, reader, and fellow writer, I was deeply disappointing in the myriad of blatant references. While a key part of a marketa...

2 years ago | read more...
David Weishaar Top Reviewer

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