The Pizza Parlor short
#Horror #Thriller #Drama
By
David
Serra
A troubled young man, trying to reconnect with his estranged girlfriend, must get through to her new boyfriend first.
Awards
Approved
Summary
3 Reviews |
5 pages |
2 years ago
|
Draft 1
Jim, a troubled young man, tries to reconnect with his estranged girlfriend, Nora, who is still grieving over her sister who died last year. She is seeing a jock named Lewis who Jim plans to get through to in order to rekindle with Nora.
Industry Reviews
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Peer Reviews
A love triangle is nothing new. It is however what is done with it and how it plays out with all parties involved. I think a different perspective may need to be done with it. Perhaps from the point of view of Dominick? (Just a thought). There are more pages to build upon this if you choose to. I look forward to seeing if this goes anywhere and further. Good luck in your script in the future.
Top Reviewer
It would have been better if you had gone into more detail about Lewis and who he was as a character. Why did he just kill him, and was it deserved now? Something must happen to get to that place. They both fucked up and cheated, but his killing was somewhat out of business. The twist ending you have is excellent, and you should for sure keep it. I like how we do not realize or know that Jim has done the same thing until the end when Nora and Jim...
Top Reviewer
