MAT short
#Sci-Fi/Fantasy
By
Marc
Buckley
In a factory of teddy bears one is different. That difference may save them all.
Awards
Approved
Summary
2 Reviews |
5 pages |
1 year ago
|
Draft 2
In a futuristic world where teddy bears are created with robotic skeletons one is made differently. He is alone in the world but on one terrible night his difference may be the one thing to save them all.
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Peer Reviews
First, I noticed some technical errors you think you should fix in the script. When presenting new characters, you want to put them in all caps. For example, MAT: 26 is alone and scared in the warehouse and doesn't trust the machinery. Or something like that. After establishing a character, you only need to capitalize them again if there is a significant time jump, which you do not use. Also, you want to put sounds in all caps too. Please ensure...
Top Reviewer
This is a good story that very few would be able to understand or visualize from this script.
We don't leave the location, yet there's two sluglines for the same room. Man 1 is missing from the dialogue, unless Man 2 says the line "If they met my wife" and then laughs at his own joke.
If one guy is carrying a teddy bear into the room, it should be mentioned as they enter, not later.
Should "He looks different to the others" be "He loo...
This script is truly amazing! The storyline was built wonderfully and the information about Mat, the other bears, the factory, the hospital, etc. are dealt to the reader gradually and at the right times. The structure is pretty good as well, but the formatting rules (which are one of the most important things in screenwriting) are not always met.
To begin flashbacks, you should write a separate line saying "BEGIN FLASHBACK:" in the form of an...
In a dystopian world a hyper intelligent teddy bear must fight to save his brothers from abandonment
So, I’m not entirely sure what to think of this one. It’s an intriguing premise. It would probably make a good animation and reminds me a little of the film 9.
It is formatted correctly, but is a bit of a tedious read due to the overlong sections of prose. Action text should be short and to the point whereas this reads more like a novel, which makes it hard to follow in places. Each separate action needs its own line really and you should try...
Top Reviewer
