LoopHole short

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#Comedy #Mystery/Suspense

LOGLINE: Someone chases protagnist,but doesn't know why.




1 Reviews | 4 pages | 3 years ago | Draft 1
Someone chases protagnist,but doesn't know why.

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It reads like that one part in Pulp Fiction when Vincent opens the suitcase. It reads as though the McGuffin is more important than telling the audience a story. What is the goal? I understand what you are going for but it feels as though the ending needs to be stronger.

Check your formatting.
Leo tells us in a voice over and via dialogue that he’s been running for seven hours. That seems redundant. Why not extend some of the scene and actu...

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