Wanna See


By Tedd Luv

A forest walk turns into a nightmare when Bill and Jane are attacked by a mysterious figure.

Peer Rating: 13%
Industry Rating: N/A
Draft 2: 13%
Draft 1: 53%
1 Reviews | 7 pages | 5 months ago | Draft 2


Teenagers Bill and Jane are taking a late night walk into a forest. Things become heated when Jane brings up Bill's traumatic experiences. They reconcile but soon Bill starts becoming paranoid when he hears weird sounds coming from the trees. Suddenly they are attacked by a hooded figure. Bill wakes up at a hospital bed where he sees a creepy male nurse staring at him with a smile. A second female nurse tells him that policemen are waiting to talk to him. He is interrogated and the policemen who tell him that Jane was murdered. They do not believe Bill's version of the story as they claim CCTV footage did not show anyone else entering or leaving the forest at that time. They then bring up the violent murder of his mother when he was a boy, in which the assailant was never found. Meanwhile we see flashbacks of Bill's mother shouting at him, a young terrified Bill and a hooded figure with bloody clothes waiving goodbye to him. Bill breaks down and becomes aggressive to the policemen who ask him again to tell them the truth about Jane's death. They leave the room for a bit. Bill cries and we see scratch marks on his hands. He looks terrified to the chair opposite him where he sees the creepy man from the hospital staring at him with a smile waving at him.

Industry Reviews

Peer Reviews

Overall, this feels very incomplete. It's a story with no beginning or end, we know nothing about anything in the story. However, with a good beginning and end, this could be part of a very promising story. So what I recommend you do is, plan your characters, their strengths, their weaknesses etc. Outline the script, with three acts, and make sure to show and not tell. What I mean is, let the character's strengths and weaknesses be inferred throu...

5 months ago |
Marlon Schwiersch Top Reviewer
I enjoyed the read. The suspense was well done and kept my attention throughout. I was invested in the characters and wanted to see them succeed. I did feel left up in the air regarding a conclusion at the end. Who was the attacker? I was led to believe there were only 2 people in the forest, Bill and Jane. Also, there were trees. But, also, Bill has scratches on his arms. Was he the attacker? The police claim there was no one else in the forest....

5 months ago |

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