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Nominee Draft #1
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I think the concept of this script was interesting and thought-provoking. It's one of those scripts that you're still thinking about days later. The logline really drew me in and the beginning caught my attention. The only thing I would say is that when Chet talks about Joss it is a bit confusing. I would do a flashback of that actual night and show what happened with Chet narrating. Besides that one, the scenes were written really well and I lik...
Overall I thought this was a very interesting story with a great protagonist in 'Cobb.' One of my favourite parts of the whole screenplay is the opening scene when Peter is giving him the watch. Its gripping, carries a lot of emotion and really hooks you in for the rest of the story. The dialogue in this screenplay is excellent and I never felt like it was fake, I really believed the characters.
My only points to consider would be.. How do th...
The script is very disjointed.
It really isn't clear in the set of the opening scenes if the intent is either a dream of flashback, The utilization of the watch as the symbolic tie between the father and son does tie into the son's other issues at the moment.
The police station sequence is very wording, and dialog is more story telling than any realistic police conversation you would witness or overhear. Nor would the cop in the holding ce...
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