I chose read your third draft because I read your 1st draft a year and a half ago. I did not look at my last critique so I could have a fresh read of your script. In some ways you made a lot of changes, but in many ways you didn’t make some the key corrections to make the story better.

A better logline: A sheriff lost in grief from her husband’s death doesn’t see the danger when a man arrives in town wielding Excalibur.
Your logline refer...

1 year ago | read more...

This is an original concept, with a lot of potential. But whole script is rife with problems.

The logline references “find a strength she never knew she had”. In your script she never finds it. She is just being a mom and a trained police officer in all of her actions. Every word in your logline is crucial to explaining what the story is about. The logline I wrote hits upon some of the key points but it still needs a lot of work. Bec...

1 year ago | read more...

Reminiscent of The Dark Tower, and certainly Kingesque in its bones, The Excalibur does an extraordinary job of blending the medieval romanticism of King Arthur and the modern grittiness of a cops and robbers thriller. The story is quite local and simple for such an ethereal premise, which allows for an easy read and quick grasp of the world. The bulk of the plot moves along nicely, keeping the reader entertained and engaged through and through....

1 year ago | read more...