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The structure is entirely off, with everything being in caps. Please don't say the camera actions in your script; try to describe them differently. There needs to be more story to understand what's happening here as I am unsure of what I just read. Flesh your story more to get what you are trying to convey across, and you will want more than two pages. Once you fix all the technical errors, you can develop the story from there and take it in a wh...
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