The First Mage feature
#Sci-Fi/Fantasy
By
mike
harper
In a world where man and magic are new, Enosh must battle evil to save his people.
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Summary
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70 pages |
3 years ago
|
Draft 5
(Revised script) The Mage is an epic tale of magic and family. Enosh, the progenitor mage travels a world where fallen angels and monsters struggle for control of the new world. But when fate hurtles him toward a succubus and her Fallen lovers to save his people's life, he battles insurmountable foes.
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Concept - Good
Characters - Fantastical and larger than life.
Story - Two fallen angels Shemhazai and Azazel battle Enosh, a human Mage who fights them to save his wife's life.
Plot/structure - Good versus evil.A moral lesson about the evil of excess and debauched living.
Scenes - Generally structured okay, some formatting errors.
Theme - Strength comes from inside. Family is everything.
Genre - Fantasy
Pacing - It moves along at a good...
The premise of your story is good: action from the first scene to the last. I was immediately drawn into your main character, Enoch, and his role engendered empathy, righteous anger, vengeance, hope, and more emotions than I care to list. The dark goddess, Naamah, and the two fallen angels engendered the opposite emotional responses. All of which I credit to your writing skill. The cast of characters—in Enoch’s village and in Naamah’s lair—suppor...
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