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Swerk

television
By Luke Foster
Comedy

A mid twenties online sex worker struggles with life's challenges, and her hilarious predicaments

Approved
Nominee
Draft #1
Peer Rating: 50%
Industry Rating: N/A
Draft 2: 50%
Draft 1: 50%
2 Reviews | 23 pages | 4 months ago | Draft 2

Summary

Sophie is an online sex worker, her parents & friends are not aware of this.. Except her postman & one of her roommates,

It gives a realistic view on the online sex industry (onlyfans etc) whilst also showing how ignorant some men can be when it comes to sex and women in general.



Apologies for errors in formatting I have only started learning it!

This is just the pilot so not all characters or issues have been addressed... this is my second draft which I feel is much improved from my first one!

Industry Reviews

Peer Reviews

A strong idea for a sitcom using a situation relevant to the digital age. The characters could use some fleshing out, and there are far too many flashbacks, but by and large there is a strong potential here.

As the writer mentioned, there are some minor formatting issues. The issues do not detract from the reading, but would likely result in a hinderance to contest or pitch performance. Recommend reviewing https://www.bbc.co.uk/writersroom/...

4 months ago | read more...
Chris Lutzow Top Reviewer
After reading Sophie's story, my first association was to combine Olive from "Easy A" and Kat from "Euphoria". I think these are very good associations because both were strong protagonists and Sophie also has a chance to join them.

She has a chance because your script lacks a few key elements that will allow viewers to get to know Sophie better and identify with her problems, root for her, and understand why she is doing it.

In Euphoria, K...

4 months ago | read more...
Marcin Klinkosz Top Reviewer
Although not traditional, I found the format you used worked well and easy to read. There are minor spelling issues: "inn" instead of "in" and the first line where she states "I've heard them all me, Jealous twats" I think you want to get rid of "me". I think you should make it more clear that Neil is the postman when you first list his name. Also I thought it was contradictory when you make it seem like she started doing this type of sex work du...

4 months ago | read more...
Joseph GC Top Reviewer
You posted this as a TV series. I'm guessing the pilot episode of a half hour comedy. It could work. At the moment it's 14 pages. For television it should be at least 22. For a webseries it's okay. But, it needs work, just to make it passable. There's plenty you can do. But, you're concentrating on dialogue, and it's all wrong. It's either poor exposition or so on the nose, it's dull.

The opening with the postman is rigid. She's explaining wh...

4 months ago | read more...
Van Lutz Top Reviewer

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