Finding Milana - Draft 2 short
#Sci-Fi/Fantasy
By
Kyle
Stout
How Far Will a Father Go For His Daughter's Soul?
Awards
Approved
Nominee Draft #2
Winner Draft #1
Summary
1 Reviews |
15 pages |
6 years ago
|
Draft 2
Grief-stricken from the loss of his daughter Milana, Doug takes his own life and finds himself stuck in purgatory. With the help of a life-sized version of his daughter's favorite UglyDoll, Doug travels through all realms of the afterlife in search of his daughter's soul.
Industry Reviews
No Industry Reviews
Peer Reviews
"Hanging on a shot", "Stay here" Firm rule of scriptwriting, don't tell the director how to film the scene. If you want them to focus on a specific item or person, use words such as 'We see the glow of sunlight falling through a window onto a little girl's bed."
Recommend removing "MATCH CUT TO:" you can leave out these types of transitions unless you want to emphasize a specific way to shift to a different scene to move the story forward. Other...
- Is the Concept strong/original?
It's high concept enough to draw you in.
- Does the logline/first ten pages draw the reader?
Since this is a short and only 13 pages I'll say that the first 2 pages set the stage for things to come. My only critique comes from a bulky action line that opened up the script -- it felt a little boring, but was robust with necessary info.
- Are scenes well-written?
For the most part it was well written. Ag...
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