WHATEVER IT TAKES

Kathleen Hof

After a fight with an overbearing customer ends with an accident, a bumbling carpet layer makes the situation worse when he ineptly tries to destroy the life-size evidence hidden in his rolled-up rug.

Don and his partner, Malcolm, lay carpet to pay their bills. One day, a series of funny disasters destroy the expensive carpet they are installing in a Karen's home. As expected, she flies off the handle and makes threats to have them fired unless she receives compensation. She gets the deal. But, it's not enough. She wants more. An argument ensues which is not seen but the screams, bangs, whacks and eventual THUD are heard. In fear, Don and Malcolm roll up the unseen crime scene evidence in the carpet and take it to Don's garage. They ineptly try to dissolve the carpet and evidence in acid. They fail. However, a neighbor couple investigates the smell mentioning they should call the police. Don calms them down. Believing all is well, Don and Malcolm drench the carpet in paint thinner and ignite the accelerant. Again, they bumble the destruction and create a thick toxic haze. When the police arrive and see evidence of the destruction attempts along with a shelf appearing to hold serial killer trophies and a carpet with what looks like a life-size body rolled up inside, they think there's been a murder. Hazmat unwraps the carpet. The evidence rolls out. Although named Karen, it's not our Karen's body.

Comedy

9 pages