Wanna See
0

The Knight's Armor

short
By Ulysses Macargen
Sci-Fi/Fantasy,Drama

A knight is gifted a magical set of armor to aid him a duel against a fearsome opposing knight.

Approved
Winner
Draft #1
Peer Rating: 67%
Industry Rating: N/A
2 Reviews | 15 pages | 4 weeks ago | Draft 1

Summary

An inexperienced and young knight named Ian dances with the knight of an imposing knight named Richard Swift. After insulting Richard, Richard challenges Ian to a duel. Ian tries to run away but is confronted by a witch. The witch interrogates Ian and gives him a set of rusted armor that is imbued with magic. Because the magical armor is impenetrable, Ian defeats Richard. Ian goes on to have many successes over the years and becomes an esteemed knight because of his magic armor. One day, Richard's son George challenges Ian to a duel which Ian accepts. Ian decides to have suit of golden armor made to replace his magic armor to appease his ego and vanity. Because gold is heavy and not strong, Ian is defeated by George.

Industry Reviews

Peer Reviews

I really enjoyed your story, it was a quick and breezy read, and I enjoyed all of it.

Personally, I think you should add some dialogue or other interaction between Ian and Eloise near the start of the story. I don't know what her opinion is of Ian or her husband. She was willing to dance with a younger man and they danced beautifully together, but she also cried at the death of her husband, I'm not entirely sure how she feels about either ma...

3 weeks ago | read more...
Jonathan Barbour Top Reviewer
Overall, for a screenplay, this is very good. By screenplay, I mean a script that could be taken and shot as is. That's an accomplishment. Most scripts aren't.

A few things:

Page 13, the title should read THREE WEEKS LATER, not MONTHS.

The action blocks are a little too thick, and there are sentences that don't need to be there. Only write what needs to be shown. If this were a full-length feature and I saw these blocks of action, I'd...

3 weeks ago | read more...
Van Lutz Top Reviewer

Recommended for You

An ill young man gets an unexpected visit from a closet monster.
Shackle
short
A young pirate boy is wrongfully accused
In the year 2287, the investigation of a Detroit transportation hub bombing leads two corporate investigators to the mega-city's inhospitable foundation level to hunt down a bomber that may or may not be human.