Wanna See

The Apocolitician (2nd Draft)

By Jonathan Barbour

College students Shayne and Ike will do anything for extra credit. Even if it means helping a local cult leader run for office.

Draft #2
Draft #1
Peer Rating: 60%
Industry Rating: N/A
Draft 2: 60%
Draft 1: 71%
1 Reviews | 33 pages | 6 months ago | Draft 2


College students Shayne and Ike will do anything for extra credit. Even if it means helping a local cult leader run for office.

Industry Reviews

Peer Reviews

Cool reference to another fantasy writer's work, the story had some inspiration. It would add to the script if you gave a backstory and motive to why the charater wanted to be mayor. The other character's that were trying to help should have more stakes involved to helping the main character. Like if they don't help the main character, the main character is going to mess their lives up. The other two characters were helping but what is making the...

6 months ago |
i n Top Reviewer
I liked this. I really did.

The only two shows I've watched in the past few years have been Lucifer and iZombie. I also strangely enjoy this weird popular thing (a while back) titled Monster High. I don't think it's a TV show. There are movies. It's entertaining in an inclusive woke way.

The opening scene of Lucifer. We see a handsome, rich guy in a sports car, music blaring, get pulled over by a cop. In their conversation, Lucifer gets t...

7 months ago |
Van Lutz Top Reviewer
Here were my thoughts on your first episode:

1. Concept - Like I mentioned before, I think the idea of having an evil cult leader is ridiculous, but also sounds hilarious to me. It can be written in countless different ways, either veering to comedy like it did here, or veering to horror.

2. Story - I liked the simplicity of the story as it wasn't super extravagant, but I feel like the only real issue is that it did drag just a bit. Aside f...

7 months ago |
Cyle Brooks Top Reviewer
I found this script to be a delightful read, and I was laughing at practically every line. This story lands every joke it makes, which is necessary in order to make a black comedy funny. Not only is there hilarious quips, one-liners and arguments that showcase incredible dialogue writing by the writer, Barbour, but there are also tons of visual gags and shock factor moments that you can't help but laugh at, especially when you can picture them so...

6 months ago |

Recommended for You

Not Gay
Two friends find cocaine which leads them to unfortunate, dangerous events.
The marvelous misadventures of four roommates in a world that makes about as much sense as ours
A simple background character from a sitcom learns that his television world is just one of many.