Leaving Everything television
#Comedy #Drama
By
John
Langley
LOGLINE: A day of inconveniences leads a man to a drastic decision.
Awards
Approved
Winner Draft #2
Summary
3 Reviews |
40 pages |
4 months ago
|
Draft 2
After a day of inconveniences, a man makes the decision that he is ready to kill himself.
We explore his past to find out what drove hime to this, and we see the impact the past has on his family.
He creates a plan to tie up his loose ends with family and friends, but life always has a way of creating more loose ends.
We explore his past to find out what drove hime to this, and we see the impact the past has on his family.
He creates a plan to tie up his loose ends with family and friends, but life always has a way of creating more loose ends.
Industry Reviews
This was a good read for a pilot episode and I'm interested to see where this could go. The only thing I'd really focus on would be making Daniel's friends stand out from each other earlier on in the pub scene as well as shortening the flashback scene with Daniel as a kid. Other than that, awesome job. Hopefully my feedback will help you with your future revisions. Good luck!
Top Reviewer
You definitely have a strong concept, and the overall story is enjoyable and has potential for a TV series. However, the story seems very one-dimensional right now. In order to create a successful pilot episode, what you need to do is identify what your script is truly about. IT's clear that on the surface, your script is about a guy who is down on his luck and decides to turn his life around after a series of mishaps. But what is the essence of...
Top Reviewer
Peer Reviews
Apart from the very small notes made I found this to be a great first episode and had a genuinely fun time reading it. I feel like perhaps the ending could have Daniel return or make mention of the dangerous substances out the back just to tie it up.
I hope you continue writing this as I would love to read more.
I hope you continue writing this as I would love to read more.
Top Reviewer
