The Excalibur feature
#Thriller
By
J.M.
Rivera
A sheriff dealing with a horrible tragedy has to find a strength she never knew she had when a man in black comes to town and hunts the true heir of the Excalibur.
Awards
Approved
Summary
1 Reviews |
115 pages |
5 years ago
|
Draft 3
A widowed sheriff hunts a mysterious knight wreaking havoc on her small town to save her family from a powerful secret.
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Peer Reviews
I chose read your third draft because I read your 1st draft a year and a half ago. I did not look at my last critique so I could have a fresh read of your script. In some ways you made a lot of changes, but in many ways you didn’t make some the key corrections to make the story better.
A better logline: A sheriff lost in grief from her husband’s death doesn’t see the danger when a man arrives in town wielding Excalibur.
Your logline refer...
Top Reviewer
This is an original concept, with a lot of potential. But whole script is rife with problems.
The logline references “find a strength she never knew she had”. In your script she never finds it. She is just being a mom and a trained police officer in all of her actions. Every word in your logline is crucial to explaining what the story is about. The logline I wrote hits upon some of the key points but it still needs a lot of work. Bec...
Top Reviewer
