What would you do with a second chance?
Elvira Deuntjes is a singer who is trying to make ends meet. She is going for an audition to sing the Christmas songs for a company but completely messes up the audition.
The 2econd Chance store, however, offers the opportunity, to fix your mistakes by going back in time. Will Elvira be able to fix her mistake?
There were TONS of structural missteps, typos and confusing dialogue throughout. Every time you used "we see" or "we hear" it reminded me I was reading a script, which isn't the idea.
None of the characters are introduced, so it feels random when, boom, a new person begins to speak. The dialogue at times didn't match the action going on, which caused confusion...
Elvira's motivation is to get a job. That is motivating but there could be a stronger reason as to why she's so desperate to get a job, which will help raise the stakes and make getting the job even more important.
The idea that a customer's memory is wiped clean between the moments of time travel is clever and it adds a good twist to th...
We all love the idea of being given a second chance in life - but a second chance doesn't necessarily alter our chances of success.
This very short script takes that abstract idea and presents it with humour and heart.
There's no deviation from this central idea... and as a result, the most critical thing I can say here is that there isn't so much depth or development to comment on. The two main cha...
The logline is short sweet and to the point.
The beginning starts with "We see a younger woman...", that is simply not need. I'm not a pro an...
The first thing of note is the concept itself. I like it: I find a sort of symbolism to the typical 9-to-5 work-life--the just-getting-by, angling for something often not achieved, all for someone else's fiscal benefit. Your story is quite poetic in that sense. However, I think there is something to be found in the execution. In particular, the language. For instance: at the beginning, we meet Elvira as she's getting turned down for the jo...