Awards
Approved
Nominee Draft #4
Summary
2 Reviews |
107 pages |
4 years ago
|
Draft 8
Casey Swift works at a small time donut shop. Wanting to buy his girlfriend an engagement ring he enlist in the Jameson Program but he risks his relationship by working for the man his girlfriend hates the most.
Industry Reviews
No Industry Reviews
Peer Reviews
The writer maintains their storyline, and knows where he want to begin, link issues, and get to his desired ending. The first half of the script is rather slow, but does pick up some momentum. The "big event" of why and winning the contest really needs to be earlier in script.
There is a lack of information in action and character set-ups. We do not get a sense of the city environment the characters live and work. The writer does not give us a...
Top Reviewer
While I really appreciated this concept and enjoyed the characters, I ultimately found it to be somewhat lacking as a whole. The story itself isn't entirely original, but that doesn't have to be a problem if you develop it thoroughly. Unfortunately, the promise of this unique competition doesn't really amount to a great deal of memorable sequences, which are mostly what I assumed would justify this script's labeling as a comedy. Working against y...
Top Reviewer
The first two acts of the story come across as a character piece with a few strange occurrences thrown in. The high concept part of the story doesn’t show up until the third act despite the openings earlier on like the suitcase.
The character theme is strong. Casey tries to balance his desire for a better life with doing the right thing. It’s a relatable theme because we all want better for ourselves and are looking for opportunities to improv...
Top Reviewer
So there’s a lot here I really enjoyed. I think the best thing about this script is it’s incredibly timely, with parallels between this and coronavirus, our country’s conversation about healthcare, and issues with pharmaceutical price-gouging. Based on what I read here, I’m guessing our politics are pretty closely aligned. So, you know, thanks for being cool.
I think your biggest strengths as a writer reside with character and dialogue. Es...
This is such a great script you have written and while I continue to read it and I get to know more about the conflict of the story and the development of each character. While I read the script even more, I vision what the characters in your script look like, and they look amazing. While reading it, I think that this script shall have a rated R rating because there are some swear words in the movie. While reading your script, I notice it that th...
The concept of exposing the pharmaceutical sector is a good idea. Unfortunately, we're focusing a lot on the story between Casey and Siren. We have just little glimpse of what are the symptoms with just a list at the end did by an anchor. We don't know how many people? Why Jameson did it? How did infect the people?
During the first 10 pages, we have an uproar from a mob about the Coranellis disease at this moment it could be catchy with a bit o...
Top Reviewer
