Awards
Approved
Nominee Draft #2
Nominee Draft #1
Summary
2 Reviews |
6 pages |
1 year ago
|
Draft 2
(Not really a drama but there wasn't an "experimental" category.)
The Protagonist meets with his girlfriend in a park, where she breaks up with him. After returning home, he spends his next few weeks going through five intense stages; confusion, humiliation, anger, sadness and acceptance.
**DISCLAIMER** This is supposed to be more of an abstract short, rather than a traditional narrative.
The Protagonist meets with his girlfriend in a park, where she breaks up with him. After returning home, he spends his next few weeks going through five intense stages; confusion, humiliation, anger, sadness and acceptance.
**DISCLAIMER** This is supposed to be more of an abstract short, rather than a traditional narrative.
Industry Reviews
Overall, this was a neat short experimental script about dealing with the five stages of grief. The only thing I would really focus on would be adding some sort of build up or rising action that leads to the choice of the young lady breaking up with the protagonist, leading up to his grief and struggles. Other than that, great job here and good luck!
Top Reviewer
Peer Reviews
Given the contest rules, the seven page limit severely hampered everything overall. Having to cram something as complex as a relationship into that many pages would not have been my first choice. I would maybe pick a certain moment in the relationship and ran with that, but that is just me. Good luck on your screenplay and directing.
Top Reviewer
Okay sorry for the weak breakdown. I am new to this whole screenwriting/review thing but I want to give my honest opinion here. I, being very new to this actually did enjoy your short. I could easily visualize what the protagonist was going through. And I felt for him. I said the concept was cliché because it’s the common breakup story but it works. I also appreciated that you didn’t make the young woman dislikable. She had a side of the story. A...
Overall, this was a good short that had a good main character, very good action that describes the scene extremely well. The dialogue was good as well at the times that there was. I also liked how you used different things like adding notes and how you used the text messages as well. In conclusion I really enjoyed this story and everything you did with it, everything from the structure to the characters, and the dialogue were extremely good.
Top Reviewer
This appears to be a shooting script (or close enough), and I was going to comment on that until I realized that the camera directions were as much a character as the two star-crossed lovers...
So, my suggestion for that is simply to get better at representing the camera direction. Look up some shooting scripts and use their structure. Try ones with strange dream sequences like Vanilla Sky, or Source Code, or Dr. Strange and the Multiverse o...
Top Reviewer
The characterization and dialogue could be improved to make this concept / story great.
Top Reviewer
