Monster Fever short
#Sci-Fi/Fantasy
By
David
Serra
An ill young man gets an unexpected visit from a closet monster.
Awards
Approved
Winner Draft #3
Winner Draft #2
Summary
3 Reviews |
1 pages |
3 years ago
|
Draft 3
A young man with a fever tries to rest when a closet monster visits him.
Industry Reviews
Monster is a wonderfully short and entertaining skit or sketch. It's got a fantastic premise and great comedic timing. But the ending is a little too familiar and is a joke that we have all seen before so I'd either push it further as I have outlined above or find another way to change or subvert it. This will then meet the expectations of the audience which have been raised by seeing something new and original and fresh in the beginning of the s...
Top Reviewer
Peer Reviews
I have to admit, I was intrigued to read a script that was only one page. I guess it's kind of like flash fiction. It's hard to develop characters and dialog in just one page. I do believe a plot, characters, and a conclusion were achieved. Good job! The conflict? Was the monster real? Was he a hallucination? I think he was supposed to be the monster under the bed. Perhaps the main character really was dying. The monster realized he was...
It was really too short to judge, but the concept was good. The dialogue was poor and we go into the script thinking the Creature is going after Tyler, so when our expectations aren't met, it's a disappointment. Grammar was okay, but it was missing a few commas in the dialogue. There wasn't enough room or time to develop Tyler, all we really know about him is that he's sick with the flu. If you want to grab the reader's attention, you have to giv...
This was a fun read for just one page. Well done. The structure, grammar, and format are right on point. On one page this story comes to life. Almost like a classic joke with a set-up and punchline, this script delivers a concise foundation for a humorous explanation of the fantastical nature of the inciting incident. The only constructive criticism I can think to offer is to add more detail in the action lines for the room that the story takes...
Top Reviewer
