Wanna See

Monster Fever

By David Serra

An ill young man gets an unexpected visit from a closet monster.

Draft #3
Draft #2
Peer Rating: 40%
Industry Rating: 53%
Draft 3: 40%
Draft 2: 74%
3 Reviews | 1 pages | 1 year ago | Draft 3


A young man with a fever tries to rest when a closet monster visits him.

Industry Reviews

Monster is a wonderfully short and entertaining skit or sketch. It's got a fantastic premise and great comedic timing. But the ending is a little too familiar and is a joke that we have all seen before so I'd either push it further as I have outlined above or find another way to change or subvert it. This will then meet the expectations of the audience which have been raised by seeing something new and original and fresh in the beginning of the s...

8 months ago |
Blaise Hesselgren Top Reviewer

Peer Reviews

I have to admit, I was intrigued to read a script that was only one page. I guess it's kind of like flash fiction. It's hard to develop characters and dialog in just one page. I do believe a plot, characters, and a conclusion were achieved. Good job! The conflict? Was the monster real? Was he a hallucination? I think he was supposed to be the monster under the bed. Perhaps the main character really was dying. The monster realized he was...

9 months ago |
It was really too short to judge, but the concept was good. The dialogue was poor and we go into the script thinking the Creature is going after Tyler, so when our expectations aren't met, it's a disappointment. Grammar was okay, but it was missing a few commas in the dialogue. There wasn't enough room or time to develop Tyler, all we really know about him is that he's sick with the flu. If you want to grab the reader's attention, you have to giv...

1 month ago |
This was a fun read for just one page. Well done. The structure, grammar, and format are right on point. On one page this story comes to life. Almost like a classic joke with a set-up and punchline, this script delivers a concise foundation for a humorous explanation of the fantastical nature of the inciting incident. The only constructive criticism I can think to offer is to add more detail in the action lines for the room that the story takes...

1 year ago |
Timothy Boissey Top Reviewer
I know this story is quite short so there isn't much to work with when reviewing it. This would work really well for some kind of notice or informative footage to be broadcast on TV from a medical point of view with the intention of raising awareness of the correct dosage of medicine (I don't know; this is just an idea for the writer, in case they wanted to take this script to another level). The descriptions and actions are very well written, co...

1 year ago |

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