Awards
Approved
Nominee Draft #1
Summary
2 Reviews |
19 pages |
2 years ago
|
Draft 1
A mother and her daughter have just come home from the funeral of her teenage son, who's been run over by a car. She sends her daughter to her Aunt's house, while she spends a month in bed, eating, doing nothing with her time. Eventually, after getting herself back together again, a man comes to her door and claims he's the one who ran over her son, and he's come to seek forgiveness.
Industry Reviews
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Peer Reviews
This could potentially be a really good short film. The writer nails the feeling of sadness/grief/depression in the first section of the screenplay (before Mike is introduced). It's poignant and nuanced. However, when Mike is introduced, everything falls apart. The scene with Mike and Mother doesn't seem realistic or plausible at all. The character Mike needs a complete overhaul. The dialogue needs to be completely retooled in this scene for both...
Top Reviewer
The story's structure is its most vital point, as it is well put together and never feels rushed. The idea behind the story is also intriguing, and the approach to how Mike seeks forgiveness from his mother is appreciated. However, the script's pacing and predictability are its greatest downfall, and it lacks surprising elements to keep the reader engaged. The character development also needs improvement, particularly with Mike's decisions and th...
Top Reviewer
